A
male
age
30-35,
*atinomusicus
writes:okey so I asked for some advice regarding to this situation before so here's what I asked...I got some answers already but just posting it so you guys now the details so you can understand my question...How do you know when someone is bi curious?Well, this is a complicated situation. I just moved back to my hometown so to speak after living for a year in another town. SO when I came back I saw this guy I have always liked. I dont know but I dont know if it is me, or if he's giving me signals that he might be bi/gay. He doesnt know I'm gay (just family and close friends know) so yeah I'm still in the coming out process. SO I saw him at church like 2 sundays ago. and he sat next to me. There were times we made eye contact and he would whisper things to make me laugh. Then after the service, we went to a restaurant to dine with the musicians. and he gave me as ride. When we were there, he sat in front of me, and again, we made eye contact a couple of times. ON our way back home, he asked me if I had a gf and why I dont have a gf. I was about to till him I'm gay, but for some reason I chickened out....he's single btw.anyways, I saw him again at church yesterday, and again he sat next to me after we played with the band. And we made some eye contact again, and there was this time when he said something right by my ear, that I felt his lips almost touching my ear. after the service the band was planning to hang out, and since another friend of mine gave me a ride to church and since he wasnt going to be able to hang out because he had to do something, but he told me to go and hang out with the band if I wanted to and that he would go and pick me up and give me a ride back home since my other friend was going to have to leave early because he had to get up early today. I just don't know what to do. I want to take things step by step. like start by telling him I'm gay and work my way up from there. But I dont know how to tell him, I feel really dumb for not telling him this when he asked me if I had a gf. I know this is complicate, but I'm willing to take the risk.... that was the 1st question...now what I'm really here for is this:okey so last week, he (lets call him N) asked me if I wanted to go to a coffee shop with him, I said yes. SO he picked me up since I dont drive, he paid for my coffee (maybe because he knows that I just got a job and have been trying to get back on my feet). after we talked about our band (we are in a band that I just formed) he asked if I wanted to walk around downtown. I said yes, so we went to the music store in downtown. While we were in a music stores, I grabbed a guitar and started playing it, and then he grabbed a guitar and tried to play along. He barely knows how to play the guitar, so he told me he could teach me how to play the drums and I could teach him how to play the piano and the guitar I said yes. Next day I texted him asking him when he was going to be free to jam. He told me that Saturday worked for him. So on Saturday I called him and asked him if he wanted to grab some coffee and that we could jam at the park. SO he picked me up, we went to buy some coffee (this time I paid for my coffee) and we went to a park.... It was getting cold so I asked him if he wanted to go to my aunts house (I live with my cousins), he said yes. while we were playying our last song at the park, I told him my hands were really cold. and He told me he wanted to buy the gloves, I forgot what they are called, but they have like the fingers cover chop it off, so basically the gloves are just covering your hands and half way of your fingers, but the cloves also have like a cover thing in case you want to cover your fingers all the way. SOrry for my bad English...anyways, I was like "I want to get some mittens (gloves?) like those". He told me "we can go buy them right now" I responded "sure". SO we went to tj max, and when we were about to enter the store, a friend of both us saw us and asked what we were doing. and My "friend (N)" told him we were shopping and my other friend asked if we were on a date lol, But N changed the subject and asked my friend what he was doing. ANyway, our friend left, and we went inside the store, since we couldnt find them, we went to old navy, jp, gap, and well we couldn't find those time of mittens. SO we left to my aunts house. There, we jammed for a couple of hours, then another friend of mine, called me and asked if I wanted to go to a high school dace, I said yes, and asked N if he wanted to come, he said yes. BUt at the end we ended up having the dance party here at my aunts because we weren felling like going to a high school dance (we already graduated from high school. SO at our dance party, he danced with my cousin, and with my friend...I could tell he was horny lol..after dancing, we decided to watch a movie. Everyone started to fall sleep half way through the movie, and my friend was sitting by him self on the sofa. SO I decided to go sit next to him and started talking to him. We both got to the point were we werent paying attention to the movie. He started talking about girls and life...so that's when I came out to him, I told him I was sexually abused when I was a kid (this is true) and that that might have made me be the way I am. He took it pretty well, he told me he saw me as a cool guy and that nothing was going to change that. as I was telling him my story, he out of the blue said that he was straight and that he has never had the thought of doing it with a guy. To me it was a bit awkward because I didnt even ask him if he has ever thought of having sex with a guy. SO we talked for like two hours after the movie was done. HE left at 4am. and he asked me if he could leave his guitar and come and pick it up after church. SO I tell him to drive carefully since he was tired. ...oh a bit before I came out I asked him if he was going to go to church, and he told me he was going to go if I was going too. ....the next day he texted me telling me he was going to be able to go because he was going to have a bday party with his family since it was one of his brother's bday....Btw some times we help with the band at a church in the night service. I wonder why he texted me to let me know he wasnt going to go, instead of telling the person who was going to lead or one of our friends who plays in the band too that he wasnt going to be able to make it.anyways, idk what to think of all of this. When he left we said goodbye like "bros". He might be a good friend, but I think he shouldve have felt a bit awkward, and oh no he seemed really comfortable...I think he's curious or bi...what do you think?
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male
reader, latinomusicus +, writes (4 October 2011):
latinomusicus is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all of your responses. I must say I do agree that he might be secure of his sexuality. I think I take every action he makes the wrong way, since I like him a lot. But you are right, I need to be cautious because I don't want to ruin our friendship. If he's curious or bi only time will tell, but for now I will focus on building a great friendship with him and look for guys who I know for sure that they are gays/bi.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2011): He likes you. Go for it!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2011): Nope. Just sounds like a man who is firm in his sexuality and isnt insecure. Your sexuality doesnt intimidate him because he knows exactly where he stands. I think you might just be reading into things too much honey. As someone who spends a lot of time with men of all sexualities, nothing you said here makes me question what he said about his sexuality at all. He seems just to be a nice, comfortable straight guy.
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