A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I feel very abnormal as a 23 year old girl. I am 5'4 and about 130 lbs. I have never dated anyone simply because I barely get approached, hit on, and I have never been asked out before. I hate dating websites because men who wouldn't even talk to me or take a 2nd look at me in real life will message me online. For the love of life, I can’t find a partner. I feel like must be something wrong with me and/or men are just not into me for some reason. I mean people tend to believe that just because you are a women, you can get dates or a boyfriend so easily but that isn't the case for me. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2019): It's human-nature to covet and crave whatever you don't have; and take it for granted, or complain once we get it. When we have what we want in our possession; suddenly we lose enthusiasm as the newness or novelty wears-off.
Careful what you ask for, because you just might get it!
We don't always know when we're better-off. Sometimes divine-intervention is protecting you; by repelling and deflecting people away. Perhaps the awesome "Higher Power" knows you're not ready, and you need some work! Unaware at this particular point in time, that the best fellow for you is making his way to you. Meanwhile, keeping all the losers out of your way! The angels are working over-time in your favor! They know you're not ready yet! It's not a good time when we're needy or greedy!
It's when you stop dwelling on the fact you don't have a boyfriend that men will probably take notice of you. Frustration and resentment tends to exude or project through your attitude; and if you walk around feeling frustrated, you may not be aware of the negative-vibes you're giving-off. Your appearance isn't the only thing that attracts men to you. It's an infamous myth among females that men only notice the prettiest females. Not all the prettiest are the best, and many are nutcases. Some are downright evil!
You may not seem particularly friendly with men, because you feel irritated if he doesn't flirt; or make some kind of move to make you feel validated. That means you should panic and resort to the extreme notion you're not attractive enough. Men are all jerks and they destroy the self-esteem of women. Sorry, we don't have the power to do that. Unless you give it to us! Patience and perseverance is the missing element. Mankind has been around for thousands of years, and biological-clocks of women doesn't set the agenda nor regulate the timing that love should occur. Funny, the population doesn't seem to be shrinking. Love is evasive, but it finds everyone sooner or later. It just doesn't like to be rushed. Impatience shows!
Therefore, you may come-across curt or snippy. You may quickly become resentful or harsh; expecting or anticipating you will be ignored or overlooked. He approaches, and gets an ice-queen; so if the guy was going to speak, he changes his mind!
Sweetheart, sometimes there's a lot going on in your mind that is reflected through your attitude, or your general disposition. You may think you're hiding it, or being subtle; but frustration tends to amplify the worst in us. People pickup on it! Men are intuitive too; and we have a highly-developed fight-or-flight instinct.
I see it a lot, where women won't smile, give cold blank-stares; and don't even say thank you, when a guy opens a door for them. Dragging baggage around about the last-guy; ready to dump it on the next-one. Dating isn't difficult, people no longer have patience; or want and expect everything instantly. Love doesn't work that way! Attraction can be instant, but it can fade-away just as fast!
Well FYI, it's the confident, relaxed, independent-woman who seems to deal much better with men. They don't care if they don't fit a type, they have their own sense of style, and men gravitate to them; not because she's a super-model, she has a way that just says "I'm not a stack of insecurities, and I'm not desperate!" She's happy with or without a man; but she's visible and available should a guy happens to notice, and show his interest. Even if she herself has to be the one to break the ice! All it takes is a smile, or a "hello" to be approachable. If he's not interested, he's just a teardrop in an ocean of men!
Looking for guys in clubs, bars, and at wild parties isn't the best setting. That's where players and cheaters tend to congregate. They'll flirt with anyone female! It's meaningless and meant to draw attention to himself. They will also go out of their way to let certain females know, they don't find you particularly attractive; so just don't bother to look his direction. He's all ego, a jerk, quite sexy, but toxic; because that's how he rolls. Yet females flock to guys like that! I guess it makes a girl feel she's extra-special for being able to get his attention? He's a challenge, and she's under the delusion she'll magically change him with love! Not really! Maybe he's just great in bed, some get addicted to that! Lust is frequently mistaken, or accepted as a good substitute for love.
You also have to notice when a guy is trying to get your attention. If he's not the hottest-looking guy in the room; maybe he's the least likely to make you feel blessed to be noticed. He's focused on you, but you'd rather one of the hot studs look your way. Women avoid eye-contact with the ordinary-guy; so he'll feel let-down and pushed-aside just like you do. He could be a great-guy, hard-working, good-natured, certified boyfriend-material, and of solid character. Just a chat could open-up a great opportunity. But no! He's not a self-esteem enhancer! He's too plain! I bet you've ignored dozens of those guys! You probably gave them the brush-off, thinking you'd be settling. He never got a chance to prove anything! Women judge by what they see too! They won't admit it! We men are shameless about it! Sorry!
To get a cute guy's attention will make you feel you must be cute too! It's flattering and a vanity-booster! He'll get an immediate-response and full-attention. Even if you have to reject him for bad-behavior, or for being disrespectful. Not before he goes too far, does that happen! He's the guy that makes women feel they're hot and desirable! "Lest your wallet bulges, you can take a walk average-guy!" You're invisible to women! But they blame men for not noticing them! Go figure?!!!
Cute-guys get a lot of leeway with women; only they just like to be admired and desired by the female-population. They only want arm-candy (and fans) they can flaunt; or to flatter his own ego, and enhance his image. Everybody wants that guy! So, any guy less than that...is invisible. Women refuse to admit this reality! If he flashes cash, and drives a nice car, he's in like flint...his less than appealing looks are compensated for. He's worth a date, or two, or three, or until he stops spending his money!
Mr. "Average Nice-guy" (unless it is known he's a money-making machine, doctor, a lawyer, or a professional athlete) can say hello, and all he gets is an eye-roll, or just ignored. I've seen it a million times ladies! I'm gay, and I get the unwanted female-attention. Then if I don't react or respond, they are highly offended! Then comes that snide remark under her breath: "They're either taken, or gay!" That goes both-ways, it's not gender-specific!
Men are cautious about "hitting on" women due to a movement saying women don't like it. You're not the only one experiencing what seems like disinterest. It's not your looks! There is a lot of male-bashing and criticism regarding the habits and behavior of men that women dislike; so there is a great deal of apprehension from guys who just don't want to deal with it.
Millennials, or people in your age-group, are relying heavily on dating-sites and apps; because they can pick and chose among many without feeling put-down, or deflated by rejection. They'll just move-on to the next profile, or swipe left; and you won't even know you've been rejected or overlooked!
When they aren't knocking at your door, you have to use whatever options you have available, my dear. It doesn't mean you have to rely on one source. Be it modern, or the old-fashioned way! Cover all bases! Pursue all avenues!
Let your aunties introduce you to nice available single-men, accept a blind-date now and then; and let your mother introduce you to the son of one of her friends! If a well-groomed pleasant average-guy smiles your direction, exchange a smile! Obviously not in an alley, or on a dark street! He may not ask for a date, but you're getting practice! Waiting for a hottie to hit on you to make you feel validated may be limiting your prospects and dating-opportunities! I'm not claiming that is truly the case, but it's a possibility!
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (10 July 2019):
Meeting a guy is very easy...why? You have what we want...and we want it very badly. What we don't want I will explain.
First thing we don't want is a woman who says this..."because men who wouldn't even talk to me or take a 2nd look at me in real life will message me online." I do not know what you look like, but the moment you start thinking like that, it is then transferred to your face and body language. And you are living the results of how you think of yourself. Over confidence is just as bad.
Always try your best to a keep a positive attitude, and face ready to smile at anyone you meet...Rich, poor, a begger on the street, able person or disable. The point is...mr. right could be standing right next to you, and if you have that "I am not worthy" look on your face, or "I am not good enough° body language...Guess what??? He will pass by you, and find the woman who whose body and face speaks the right language.
Don't just date to have a man...have a man with a plan...a realistic plan. See how he treats his mother and sisters...if he is rude or disrespectful to them, he will do the same to you.
If he is obsessed by anything non human, you will always be second in his life. Non human is like cars, sports, and so on. Some men are so into those things, you will always be second place.
My point is...as much as you want a relationship, know what you want out of it.
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