A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:In short, I'm worried that this guy that I'm seeing is getting too attached too soon. When we met, we spent a few weeks working closely together, during which time I deflected his advances, but we became firm friends. But when he left, I started to miss him, and then agreed to a long-distance/take-things-slowly kind of relationship. Since then we've spent a few weekends together which are usually enjoyable. But when we're apart, he calls me at least every day, sometimes up to 5 times a day. i find it too much, and i now don't even like answering the phone to him, as I've nothing to say. Plus he's very affectionate over the phone, and I just don't feel the same closeness that way.He's affectionate, kind, with a dash of passion which I like a lot.But his neediness is too much sometimes. Should I tell him how i really feel, and risk hurting him? Or just wait, and see if I get more attached, or him less so? I guess I'm hoping I get more attached. MAybe I'm just kidding myself. I need some objective opinions. Thanks Reply to this Question
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male
reader, corbandallas  +, writes (4 November 2010):
Sounds to me like he's just a convenience for you, to fill a gap that was otherwise not there, until he came a long. If you think you actually like him tell him that you don't need that much attention, and see if he changes. It's the weekdays apart thats getting to him, sounds like a honeymoon phase to me. It would probably pass it time, if you want to stick it out. If you find you're just not that into him end it now before it goes any further, or you're just going to hurt him a lot more.
A
female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (4 November 2010):
 Two possibilities here...
One, you're just not that into him, or
Two, you are not the clingy type.
He seems to be clingy, which does not necessarily mean he's too attached. I get clingy when I haven't seen my man for a while or had the emotional connection I need. I would say talk to him before you write him off. If, after the talk, you still feel the same way, then you don't like him that much. Either way, you'll get less calls :)
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A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (4 November 2010):
Absoulutely tell him the truth because there is no way you will get closer with him smothering you. He will be able to control it when you are honest. Just say it as nicely but as direct as possible.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (4 November 2010):
 It's very cut and dry in the beginning either you like him or you don't. You like the idea of being in a relationship but not with him. Don't settle for less than what you really want. And he won't grow on you, you're way too put off by him. You don't even want to answer his calls and communication is the most important factor in a relationship. Keep it as firm friends and nothing more.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): You are just NOT into this guy, nothing to do with him coming on too strong...or being attached too soon!
Alarm bells rang for me when:
1. When we met, we spent a few weeks working closely together, during which time I deflected his advances
2.we became firm friends. But when he left, I started to miss him, and then agreed to a long-distance/take-things-slowly kind of relationship.
3.Since then we've spent a few weekends together which are usually enjoyable
4.he's very affectionate over the phone, and I just don't feel the same closeness that way.
So quite a few alarm bells..you seem to have got yourself into dating a guy, you don't really have any REAL PASSION for, he's basically a mate, a good friend!
Have you read " He's just not into you " well this applies to you, you seem to be settling, compromising so you have a guy to go out with..WHY??
IF he was a guy you felt the SAME WAY for, all the magic, all the passion, this would be on green lights, regardless of distance!
Why not go it alone until you meet a guy YOU do feel MORE than 'firm friends' AGREED to taking things slowly..not exactly passion filled! And as for ENJOYABLE weekends, you can have enjoyable with a female friend.
Let him go so he can meet someone who wants HIM without setting so many rules he can breathe and revel in being in a relationship that's two way.
Jilly
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