A
female
age
30-35,
*nglishRoses
writes:Hi,I wonder if you have any help that you could give a twenty year old girl who is worried that she is asexual. I can tell you a bit about myself - I have only ever been further than kissing with two boys, both of which I backed away from when I realised that they couldn't make me feel sexually aroused. Mostly it was just painful. Both these boys have had lots of experience with girls and I was good friends with both of them at the time, so I don't think it was bad technique or nerves. I think it is something wrong with me.I have tried many times to masturbate but I can't even remotely do it, and the idea of it doesn't excite me. (Also, I'm not sure if this is relevant, or just gross, but I also can't use tampons because I can't get anything up there...)I've wondered a few times if I am gay because I feel roughly the same level of sexual attraction for girls as boys. I've imagined what it would be like to be with a girl, and it doesn't excite me but then it doesn't excite me to imagine being with a boy sexually.Having said all this, I've fancied lots of guys, and I've kissed lots of guys. I've had the odd dirty dream. I've even been in love with a boy. I have a real longing for the sort of intimacy relationships bring. But I am worried that my lack of interest in sex will prevent me from having a serious relationship. This makes me so sad because one day I dream of being a mother and having my own family.I'm really confused because I've always thought of myself as just being normal and now I'm starting to wonder what life would be like if I'm not.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (15 June 2010):
 Thanks for the update, does sound like your asexual or something.. again, go visit your doctor to check your hormones. The asexual community can be found by searching the internet.
Contact your doctor or you local family planning department, and tell us what you told us here.
A
female
reader, EnglishRoses +, writes (14 June 2010):
EnglishRoses is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi thanks for the replies.
I can see how the bit about fancying people is confusing, but for me fancying has never been a sexual thing, more of an intimacy, wanting a boyfriend type of thing. It's always been someone that I have got on with well and wanted to spend more time with and wanted them to like my personality. I was wondering if it is possible to want to be in love without ever wanting sex... It is not that I am not interested in relationships, just not the sexual aspect.
Perhaps I have not met the right person, but most people don't go through life with no sexual desire which suddenly explodes just due to one person...
And I don't know how to see a gynacologist. Do you have to go through your doctor?
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A
female
reader, EnglishRoses +, writes (14 June 2010):
EnglishRoses is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi thanks for the replies.
I can see how the bit about fancying people is confusing, but for me fancying has never been a sexual thing, more of an intimacy, wanting a boyfriend type of thing. It's always been someone that I have got on with well and wanted to spend more time with and wanted them to like my personality. I was wondering if it is possible to want to be in love without ever wanting sex... It is not that I am not interested in relationships, just not the sexual aspect.
Perhaps I have not met the right person, but most people don't go through life with no sexual desire which suddenly explodes just due to one person...
And I don't know how to see a gynacologist. Do you have to go through your doctor?
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (14 June 2010):
"I've fancied lots of guys, and I've kissed lots of guys. I've had the odd dirty dream. I've even been in love with a boy."
That is not asexual, and it dosen't sound like you are bisexual either..
Sexuality is complicated.. from asexual to bisexual, to sex maniac to hating sex... You do not have a high sex drive it seems, but then again, you are a virgin and you are young, you know little about what sex involves...
I don't think you've met the right person yet. The right person may stimulate your desires.. Please wait until you meet the right person, and do not have sex just to try some research theory...
If you was 25, then I would be more worried. You can set your mind at rest by mentioning this to your local doctor. If there is a problem, he can refer you to somewhere else for treatment (hormonal or counselling)
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (14 June 2010):
 If you've ever been attracted to a guy, then you're probably not asexual. Judging by your second to last paragraph I'd say pretty much definitely not asexual. You need to learn how to masturbate and arouse yourself. I think a lot of your problem is you're just relaxed enough. Try watching some porn or reading erotica or whatever you feel comfortable with. Buy a good vibrator to play with. Not the cheapest one you can find, do some research. The more you enjoy masturbating and orgasms, the more you will seek them out. You sound normal, just like you haven't found the right guy who will turn you on/attract you.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (14 June 2010):
 Gosh I don't know what to advise here and I'm confident you will get some good advice from other Aunts and Uncles but my one suggestion would be to see a gynacologist and have a full check up. It could be something simple that is inhibiting your sex drive.
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