A
male
age
36-40,
*aogwan
writes:I dont know what to do anymore. I have been with my girlfriend for a 1 year and 8 months now. When we first started going out she told me about her past some parts of it I wasnt to happy hearing about and from that time on wards it has been affecting me like i get visions in my mind. I think it was more to do with her doing more then me as she is my first gf.We gave our virginity to each other after a year. What my problem is, is that I am not sure whether I want to be with this girl for the rest of my life, I am saying this because I think she is thinking quite long term( i think its a girl thing). I am finding it difficult because a part of me wants to let her go so i can get rid of this horrible feeling in me but i dont think it will I think its done permanent damage to me and my self esteem. Apart of me doesnt want to let her go because I am not sure whether I will find another girl because I have found it extremely difficult to get a girl as I seemed to become a 'friend' 'brother' or 'nice guy'. Because of my stupid mind I feel she can find and deserves someone better then me. I am really scared of my future I dont know what to do. Someone help me. What do I do? how do I get rid of these visions.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2008): From the sounds of your post, you lack the maturity to take this relationship to the next level, or long term and the guilt is eating you alive. Just because you gave each other your virginity you are both not going to burn in hell if you never marry.....each other.
Open up and tell her how you are feeling. Let her know that you are just not ready to be in a permanent relationship and tell her you have no intention of marrying her....she then can decide for herself what she wants, if you don't want to let her go that is, give her the chance to make her own decision based on what you tell her.....Be prepared to let her go and move on with your life. It is stupid to let fear be the thing that makes your decisions in your life, and it is selfish of you to hang onto her just because you fear you can't replace her.
People or relationships are not meant to be replaced. Every person you will love will be nothing like the last but their unique spirit will leave a footprint on your heart. Choose wisely, and go forth my man....you aren't ready to be married, and you would be doing a great disservice to this girl to lead her on in this way if that is not what you want.
If you aren't sure you are ready to let her go, then dig deeper, what is it that you are afraid of losing? Her or the experience of sex with other females? Her or a chance to be single and independent on your own? You and only you knows what you truly want.
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