A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm really struggling to deal with the death of my grandparents. About a month ago my grandmother died after a long illness. We knew she was dying and although she stayed with us a lot longer tha any of the doctors predicted she would, her passing still hit everyone in the family hard. She was a really central part of our family - all our family gatherings were at her house, and she used to always make me handmade cards and send them to me to let me know she loved me. Knowing she was dying and then her passing was really hard and I literally fell apart. Not only was I completely distraught at losing a woman I've known my whole life but I also became really upset about the effect it was having on my mum who understandably was a complete mess. I've never seen my mum so upset and it really effected me. It really scared me realising how life short is - my gran was only 64, and now all I can think about is death. Im scared of loosing more people, mostly of loosing my mum or my dad. I'm scared of what would happen if there was ever an accident and I was killed - what would my mum do? I worry about my mums sister who has tried to kill herself in the past, and I worry if she did it again, and actually did kill herself, how my mum would react. my whole life has been taken over by a completely overwhelming sense of fear of death. I'm so nervous and scared of everything. Everytime I read about something sad in the news, I get scared thinking- what if that had been my mum or my dad. What worse, is I also just lost my grandad a week ago. I haven't reacted at all. I' not even numb, it just hasn't effected me and I dont know why. Im carrying on as normal and it worries me. I just feel like Im on auto pilot at the moment and Im just so scared of all the people around me dying. help.
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female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (6 December 2008):
 I think this is a feeling that everyone gets when they are hit hard with a death of a loved one.
I think you have to consider what your loved one would have wanted you to feel. You grandmother would not want you to be so upset by this. She'd want you to take on board everything she ever taught you. It would seem to me that your grandmother taught you to ensure that the people closest to you know that you love the dearly and to make every second count.
You have to turn around what you are feeling into something that you can truely use as a foundation to stand tall on. You have to think that yes, death is all around us. Anyone of us could die tomorrow. It is a horrible horrible fact. BUT that you are lucky and have been given this time to tell those you love how much you care for them, to live your life to the full and to experience life.
You grandmother taught you to ensure that those around you feel loved and cared about even in the smallest gesture. Such a lovely lady is bound to be solemnly missed by you all but hun, she's not gone. She's still there with you. We don't need a body to be with someone. It's the great thing about spirituality and love. We can be there, and not be there at the same time. Here's a poem you may have heard about:
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
You were blessed by being given such a lovely woman as your grandmother, and someone like that, never dies. They live on in your mind and your heart. Such love never ever goes away. We are sent such inspirational people to learn more about life and I'm sure that both your grandparents taught you so much. They want you to be happy, not sad.
Don't mourn their death. Celebrate their life.
She's out there watching over you and she'll never ever leave you. No matter what. Never forget that.
Take care. My deepest sympathies.
xxxx
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