A
male
age
30-35,
*irgibbs21
writes:hello cupid ughh got a big problem messing with my life right now. ok so im 21 and my gf is also 21 and we have 2 kids togther one age two and one age 1 and me and her cant get along anymore at all because we have no freedom me and her spilt about about a week ago because shes workin at a cafe bar kinda place and the deal was i would give her no problem about working there as long as she would come home after which she gets out at midnight, but after about a week of working there she wouldnt come home right away and wouldnt take my calls and would leave for work at 2 and had to be there for 6 and make up lies about why she had to go somewhere real fast and just not come back and id be stuck with the kids all day and night after i get out of work.then she started not coming home and staying at her moms and i put up with it for about a month before i put her out and we made a deal that i would have the kids 4 days a week and her 3 days a week but every day i got her mom calling me saying take her back she dosent want them there because i have my own place and her wanting to come back. but all in all im tired of being walked on but im a young guy trying to do right by my kids and this woman is not helping. make this hard situation any better any advice wil be good ty for your time Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2010): sirgibbs21,
What a situation for such a young man, and woman too, to be in! Children must always come first, as they are dependent for their well being on their parents, so whatever happens between you and your girlfriend, these children are your first responsibility. Are you able to get some outside help with the children, as you are obviously struggling. How supportive are your family, local authorities?
Children will grow up well balanced individuals whether with one parent or two - IDEALLY two parents who love each other and offer a stable, secure foundation for growth, emotionally and physically, but in your case, I fear this may not be the case. Providing children are loved and cared for, even if this care, is divided between the two parents, then children will adapt and come through as healthy adults. But you need to address this; arguing, falling-out, her leaving, you leaving, this constant state of turmoil is what causes damage, so please try and talk to your girlfriend about YOUR relationship and how BOTH of you impact on your children and their well being.
Standing back and looking at this from a distance, being objective for a minute, why are two young people parents at such a tender age ( 18-21) neither of you have experienced adult life yourself, and to present a stable home environment one must first become emotionally mature themselves, and at 21 you still have a lot of living to do. This is probably why your girlfriend is all over the place, as she is flexing her very normal need for growing as an individual. This does NOT excuse or condone her coming and going, merely an explanation.
Contraception: I would strongly advise that both of you take precautions and not bring another child into the world, whether with your current partner, girlfriend or with anyone else - this is about being adult and making the right decisions, taking responsibility for our own actions which is the true measure as to whether we are ready for commitment and a long-term relationship. Having sex and not taking precautions is not sensible at any age - let alone at 18-21.
Before having children, one should know their partner very well, not just after a few weeks of dating, they should wait to the honeymoon period has passed, the relationship is on a calmer level, so they know how they feel about that person, as so often when the lust has gone, so has the boyfriend or girlfriend, and this is no way to bring children into the world.
I hope this gives you some food for thought for not only the present but for the future..and I so hope you can resolve this for your two lovely children. Make sure you give them lots of love and hugs!
Good luck!
Jilly x
A
male
reader, tonydsd  +, writes (8 June 2010):
Firstly and the golden rule is, you must always put ur kids first. Im a young gun myself, but its comon sense to know that you must do the best thing for ur kids.
Your right, dont get walked over by anyone, but you must be considerate. Its hard to find a blanace.
Sometimes we forget the balance of doing the right thing and doing the thring thats right for us.
I wish i could help you further but this is a situation you and the woman must sort out as soon as possible. Confrontation is sometimes the best situation.
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