A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my boyfriend for about one and a half years now. He's very sweet to me and cares about me, but he still hasn't said "i love you" yet. I know that I shouldn't be comparing, but he said "i love you" to his ex way before one and a half year. He also talks about his ex on several occasions; I know too much about his ex...from her phone number to even when they had sex. When I told him that I didn't like him talking about, he explained to me that it's hard to not mention her since they were together for about 2.5 years. I don't understand why he would talk so much about her even though she cheated on him. I'm scared that he's still not over his ex. I really care about him, but I don't know if I should break up with him over this. Any suggestions? Thanks!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2009): It IS normal to mention an ex once in a while, but him telling you about their sex life is WAY too much information! And after a year and a half, he should know if he loves you or not. I'd say this doesn't look good.
A
female
reader, dazey  +, writes (13 December 2009):
I've had boyfriends that sometimes talk about their exes quite a lot. It can be a wind-up so I do sympathise. Thing is, close relationships can really affect people and it's not very fair to deny someone the space to talk about parts of their life just because they involve an ex-lover, that sounds like jealousy on your part.
If you can get beyond the jealousy, you might even begin to find these snippets useful. Think of it as insight, learn about how this other woman affected your man in good and bad ways and learn about him, what makes him tick, what he responds well to and what has really hurt him in the past. Learn from what he says about her, and if you're into him, do better than she did! That's what I've done in the past.
Also, a lot of men don't get the chance to talk intimately with friends about relationships, so talking to you might be his really cathartic way to understand his part in previous relationships.... could you ever come to view conversations about his ex as his way of confiding deeply in you? I think that says a lot about how much he trusts you.
As for the I love you bit, do you say that to him?
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