A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice. There is a guy I had a short relationship with last year. He got scared, backed away, was really hurtful and rude. Okay,I got over it. Since then his behaviour has been really weird and it is bothering me. It's been eight months... what's going on? He and his friend, they act paranoid like in a schoolground ostracising me, refusing to go near me... if I am at the sports club we go to and they see me, they won't come near. I smiled at him once as I walked past to join a group of friends and he actually looked like he was going to cry or have some sort of panic attack and went home! People notice and are disgusted with he and his friend's behaviour. It is getting worse. It has gone on for months. I am doing my very best not to react and keep hoping it will blow over. Initially I tried just ignoring he and his friend but that didn't work. It is like bullying but I don't think it is. All I want is for things to be cordial, for no bad feeling to be around. I was (and am) in love with this man but there is no future in it. So I have just accepted it and now try to just smile and say hi and walk on as I do to all the dozens of folks I know at the club and around my sport - I am well liked and get on with everyone and love what we do. But this man and his friend won't do this. They are so strange. We have mutual friends. It's embarrassing. Nobody can understand it. He stares at me, watches me, flinches when he hears me laugh or speak. We didn't have that much of a relationship we were just friends and one night he said a lot of stuff to me about how much he cared about me and it sort of made him scared, my guess. But that was all those months ago. I'm over it, why is he acting so horrible? It is unfathomable to me. Anybody got any ideas?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks heaps for your advice cos it's been very reassuring. I didn't make a big deal of breaking up with this guy, what DID happen was though, was I tried about half a dozen times to mail him or speak to him and just say 'look, lets forget it and just go back to being club friends/acquaintances so there's no bad feeling'. I tried hard to let him know just forget it I like him a lot and miss our plain small friendship at the club we started with. Even his friend's fiancee sees how stupid it is and started to talk really nice to me last weekend. If he thinks I am not over him then maybe in time he will see that I am not about to hassle him in any way and if I just act normal you'd think he'd think I was! But no... he keeps going and it's damaging him so much at the club that people are starting to really dislike him, which I don't want. I guess he's a big boy but I think he's ill. His stupid friend does not help him so I hope his friend's fiancee maybe will somehow :(
A
female
reader, aka ms phoenix  +, writes (24 August 2008):
 Wow, how did you react to his breaking up with you? Did you freak out or something? He's acting as if you did and he doesn't want more of the same. He thinks you are not over him...I agree you should somehow let him know. Your tone will be the key. If he gets any impression that you still have feelings for him then it will be more of the same. Change clubs!!!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (24 August 2008):
Who knows what is going on in his head. It makes no sense.
I think you are doing exactly the right thing by being cordial and saying Hi. As you say, people all see that you are making effort and that he is the one with the problem.
You say you have mutual friends so why not just go public and say that you are sick of this strange behaviour and worried that something may b wrong with him. Get one of these friends to take him to one side and find out what the hell is going on.
Good Luck!! xx
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