A
female
age
30-35,
*naida Rustom
writes:I'm currently in a situation that's causing me a lot of concern...i'm expieriencing something I cannot fathom and I'm afraid this might turn into a depression. A Little Introduction: I have this professor at college. A little detail------ he's in his early 40's, and an obnoxious *******. On one hand, he's an academic genius, extremely knowledgeable on his subject. His style of teaching can keep people on the edge, even whilst discussing the most boring portions. He's, to put in in a sentence----ABSOLUTELY GREAT WITH HIS SUBJECT.However, on the other hand, he's got a severe attitude problem. As in, he sometimes makes sweeping offensive, even downright heartless comments. For example, he believes that education should be the sole prerogative of Elites, or that Blind students don't deserve special favour. Etc etc...you get the idea. On one hand, he's very charismatic, and on the other, a downright "*******" who doesn't seem to realize how offensive he really is being to others. He tends to have unrealistically high expectations from students while writing an answer, and also grades his favourites higher than he normally would otherwise.He also, albeit subtlely, tries to imply that he is the best teacher ever and all other teachers on the subject are inferior or less knowledgeable. So, coming to my real area of concern: It so happened that. we (all the students of our class) had presented a list of carefully-written complaints against him to the Dean...following which it was agreed that he won't be allowed to evaluate our final sem papers. At the same time, we'd brought in a host of other charges against him........owing to which there was an enquiry commission againt him. We were all happy, and relieved. However, I gradually started to feel a sort of strange affinity towards him. Like, his behavior had always replleed me' but I now started to get CURIOUS about him. Like, I started pondering more on his behaviour and what could be the cause for them...could he be lonely because he had no children? Or maybe his harsh demeneour stemmed from the fact that being born and raised in a family of rich bureaucrats, and having studied in aristocratic institutions had never really taught him to be compassionate about people from less fortunate backgrounds? This curiosity and thoughts started to increase, to the point where I became almost fascinated with him. Like, I enjoyed talking about him with friends, or fantasized about him, sometimes even sexually. I wondered what it would be like to get to know him as a person; and started taking tips on how to impress professors. I couldn't define this feeling----on one hand, I found his overbearingly "agressive, macho" nature repellent, on the other hand, I had become sort of obsessed with him. And now, when our next semester is about to start, we get news that we won't be having any more classes of him. Ever since a source confirmed it, I'm feeling incredibly---and i mean INCREDIBLY----frustrated. I used to spend hours Googling up about him on the internet, lurk around his office just to catch a glimpse of him, read up books and online journals by him just to see his name and wonder about how he's react to certain situations, etc etc. Its IDIOTIC, I know. But what can I do? I'd be grateful if you offer counselling. I cannot share this with any friends or family, yet I need this out of my system.This is getting worse by the day, and I'm considering taking up a special paper in his class the next year, although I'm not a huge fan of the topic. I can sense that this is consuming me, and I wanna get rid of it ASAP.Please tell me what to do!!!!
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (7 July 2011):
 Simply try to keep your distance and the obsession will fade. Whatever you do, DO NOT take this special paper, it is on a topic you dont have an interest in so you could end compromising your grades for the sake of an obsession.
This is something that will pass, many students develop a crush on their teachers so it is perfectly normal. But you need to make sure you dont allow this to take over your life and consume you - so stay away from him as much as possible. The more distance there is between you and him, the faster your feelings will go away.
Stop googling him, dont go to his office, dont read books by him etc. If you feel the urge to obsess about him, go and distract yourself with other things like doing some exercise, phoning a friend for a chat, watching a film etc.
These feelings will fade soon, but in the mean time distract yourself with other things when you feel like thinking about him and this should help.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, icanhelp +, writes (7 July 2011):
this sounds rather strange. the fact that you started off by saying how annoying and arrogant he is and yet it has turned into something more, i think that maybe you are confusing love with a combination of hatred and yet sympathy which can create a feeling so strong it feels like love. i used to have a teacher at the school who was bullied out of his job and whilst his teaching methods were "unorthodox" i still had some kind of connection. he was also a friend of my fathers which made it clear to me that he was lonely as i saw him out with school and knew he has nobody. why not ask for his email or something, or write a letter, maybe he needs a friend, jst someone to talk too. hope this helped.
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