A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My fiancée and i met through our parents and unexpectedly fell in love, so i thought, we are Indian so we are open to the idea of arranged marriage although our relationship was not arranged. We have only been with each other for 10 months but we know its the right thing. he is 4 years older than me and when we first met i knew that he was looking for a wife.He comes from a very traditional family whereas mine is more modern. we get along really well most of the time and he clearly explained what he was looking for before we went into our relationship and i was willing to change for him because i already loved him that much. i only just found out that his feelings towards me were not as strong as he first displayed and that he only agreed to our relationship because it meant he didn't have to look for a wife anymore. He has had trust issue with me from the start and constantly observes me, and accuses me of changing all the time, when he is the one who told me be more religion, wear more conservative clothes, dye my hair, not to cut my hair anymore, not to socialize anymore, not to listen to particular music and not to watch particular movies and tv shows (not that what i watch i x rated or anything just shows like gossip girl and grey anatomy.He even told me what kind ok clothes and color to wear for our wedding and th he has even told me that i wont be the number one person in his life, ill be up there with his mum, dad and brother, but i know that they will always come first to him and ill be number 2. Were engaged and set to marry in a years time. But the way he controls me is making things really hard for me. Everyday he does something or says something to make me feel small, and always finds a way to blame me for things. Ive tried speaking to him about the way he treats me always say that i'm changing and that i'm trying to make him feel bad, and when i don't say anything he says i'm not open and that i'm keeping things or that i'm acting suspicious. its too late to end things because i'm already deeply in love with him not to mention were engaged and a father's are close friends. But i'm not sure if i can handle being controlled to this extent.I'm not sure what to do?... do i talk to him? or keep it to myself?... change for him, to make him happy? or be the person i want to be?... there is no way i can end this.. s whats my next option?Any Help out there?...He says that he loves me for me but really have loves me for the things Ive had to change about myself not for the person i truly am.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2010): you need to leave him because you might love him now but trust me after you get married you are going to get sick of it and your love for him will fade away. You need someone who is going to always put you first before anyone no matter what, you need to feel apriciated. If you marry him its not going to last, his not worth it
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2010): omgg... pls do not marry him if you dont like the way he's acting... this is the modern world... people used to arranged marriage like a billion years ago now its your choice, well in most if not all countries..
But if you DO love him,I mean dont spend the rest of your life with this controlling man, dont make the mistake most women (I) do... he IS gonna get worst over time and than the real abuse will start pls think about it .... this is only advice .
Good Luck...
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