A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I have a dilemma currently in my life. I'm not sure about my sexuality. I've always checked out guys as well as girls, but lately I find myself checking out guys more often but would never take that next step to go into a relationship with them. I check out gay porn websites, and at the moment its something I want to do but afterwards I feel guilty and embarrased. I'm completely at a loss and have no idea where to turn, I think its partly difficult for me is because of my religious background and the way I was brought up, but then I feel its something thats wrong and thats why I feel guilty about it. I know most people will say this is the time where I explore my feelings but I am so lost. Am I gay? bi? what?
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female
reader, joby30  +, writes (16 March 2008):
 I was worried about the same thing but at the time i was only 13.I told my best friend at school and she simple said to me, Are you happy with wanting to be a lesbian? Is it what you really want? Do you feel more comfortable with women than men?I answered yes to all the questions she gave me, then she said if your happy then do it, its your life and you have to live it not anyone else. Do what you want.Find were you are most happy and just go for it.I am religious to but the way i have always thought about it is, religion has caused alot of wars and disagreements in the world and I'm not doing anything wrong.From joby30's girlfriend
A
female
reader, korculan queen  +, writes (16 March 2008):
It saddens me when religion comes into play. I am christian but I do not judge others. Like the other post stated you are you. Labels are just societys way of judging others and putting them into a box. Are there any alternative nightspots or clubs you can go to? I mean gay/lesbian but I would prefer to say open minded alternative nightspots. A support group or infoline would also help. The thing is to not feel guilty for your thoughts and wishes provided that no one is hurt by your actions and both parties are consenting adults then whatever you chose to do is your choice. The best thing I can suggest for anal though honey is lots of lube and both in the mood.
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A
male
reader, H2H +, writes (16 March 2008):
You are simply you. Gay, straight, bi are just labels. Just like all the other labels that people use categorize others depending upon how they fit into their life.
All you can ever be is you.
Practically, you might consider looking into some sort of gay support group. It's likely you'll find someone to talk to that has already gone through the same thing you are. Or it's possible, you might find it's not something you'll drawn to as much as you might think. Find out.
Above all, accept and love yourself.
Be happy.
--H2H
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A
male
reader, Stroller +, writes (16 March 2008):
 It doesn't matter if you're gay or bi - just go with the flow and whatever makes you happy.
The problem here is that you're doing something which isn't hurting anyone and you feel guilty & shameful about it. You need to overcome the shame and the guilt and learn to enjoy doing whatever lights your fire. I recommend counselling - if you're not careful you'll end up a sitting Republican.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008): Not enough information to make that determination.
Could it be that your unsure because of something else going on in your life?
I've known guys who use to check out other guys, but it was more like competition: bigger or smaller penis; muscles?
I thought it was strange when one of my friends mentioned it, but knowing him for many years, I knew he was more a prude; bashful then gay. He has yet to prove this wrong.
A mind is a terrible thing to waste, as been said, thinking wrong things is a waste, and you might be thinking the wrong things.
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A
male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (16 March 2008):
 You are gay. If you are checking out other guys and looking at gay porn you are gay. The only thing holding you back is your upbringing and religion, but take it from a straight guy who is 100 percent straight and never even wondered what a gay porn site looks like, you are definitely GAY.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008): I think if you don't know you probably are not gay or bi, but curious about sexuality period. Watching gay porn does not make you gay....There is a lot of exposure out there now to alternative lifestyles and if confuses a lot of people when they are developing about their sexuality...sexuality is not always something you are born with, I think people can and do choose to do something that goes against their nature, just to be different or to rebel or to feel like they are a member of a club, and then there are those that know without question that they are homosexual at a very early age....the rest are just choosing one particular lifestyle over another for all kinds of reasons.
If you are feeling concerned and confused about this, you may want to consider therapy, not to make you conform to the norm, but to help you figure out who you really are and to make the best decisions for yourself concerning your sexual development.
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A
female
reader, yeahsureyoubetcha +, writes (16 March 2008):
 You are you regardless of your sexuality.Being gay or bi is not bad if that is who you are. Figure out who you are then what you are will make its self known.
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