A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:How can I make my boyfriend realise that his mum is trying to paint me as her, because my boyfriend has never loved before till he met me, didn't want to move from the area he lived before, didn't want to share a house. Now he is, and she can see he loves me, she constantly makes imaginary situations and over expresses and drills into him my love of things being hers, and he relates everything to me being like her, when I am certainly not. We cannot share music, films, documentaries, day trips, hobbies without it being to do with her. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (29 September 2010):
 His mom has likely been the only real female relationship he has had in his life. I'm speculating, but I'm guessing he's a momma's boy. Since that's likely the case, you having a lot in common with her isn't a bad thing in his eyes. He also has no idea that such regular comparison isn't the way to communicate in a relationship.
He needs to know that even though you may have things in common with his mom, you are your own person and want to be treated as such. You'll need to tell him that. Be nice though, he doesn't have any experience so you're helping guide him into the world.
I'd suggest telling him something along the lines of; "I know you love your mom, and I think it's great that we have lots in common. I just need to feel like you're with me because you love me, not that you're with me because of how much I have in common with your mom."
I think the other thing you're battling here is that his mom is trying to find things she has in common with you so that she can connect with you and like you. A very common thing among female friends is finding the common ground. I am thinking that is part of the reason she is talking about how you two are so alike. She likes you and wants you to like her. I doubt she sees that it is causing a problem.
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