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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Whenever I talk to my friend, she always has to make comments that belittle me or put me down a notch. Tonight we were talking on the phone and she was talking about a guy she met. She then said, "He was cute, but he was more around YOUR age." Now, we are only 1 year apart in age- we were in the same grade level at school. When I tell her things, it doesn't seem like she listens or she just kind of brushes it off. I mean I still want to be friends with her because if worse came to worse I know she'd be there for me and she has been in the past, but I just feel like I care more about her friendship than she does about me. She had a rough childhood- her dad was physically and emotionally abusive to her. He continues to put her down. So she has grown up in tough circumstances, but I don't want to become her verbal punching bag either.Am I overreacting or should I talk to her about her actions?
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female
reader, spiderweb  +, writes (19 August 2010):
 Next time she puts you down, confront her by asking why she means by her comment. If she tries to brush it off, insist that she elaborate as to what exactly she means and what she is implying. Then, if she gets nasty, tell her you don't need a friend like her who puts you down all the time and if she doesn't stop doing it, the friendship will be over. If she wants to be your friend, she'll be more careful in the future, and will show you more respect. Because that is what her behaviour is towards you: A lack of respect. Life is full of good people and you don't really need to waste your time with someone who tries to make you look small and feel bad about yourself.
A
female
reader, Jesc  +, writes (19 August 2010):
 According to what you have stated. She has down this before.
I personally think you confront her. Just do the approach sweetly. If you value what you guys have as a friendship then she needs to know. An honest relationship is better than a dishonest.
I would never want a friend who drops me down levels over and over again. Even if it is to make him/her feel great.
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