A
female
age
26-29,
shi
writes:I'm married and have a family but i'm still in love with my ex. He is with someone and has a child with her. I have known my ex from high scholl and ever since the day i saw him i feel in love with him and never stop loving him. I met my husband at the same school and been with him since i broke with my ex when we were 16 yrs old. Even though we broke up over a stupid comment i made to his friend about him, he has always been in the picture, i would see time from time to time. recently i called him and he told me to go see him so i did and we talked and i told how i felt and he wanted to be with me but he said he is not a homewrecker. I slept with him a few times since i have been married and everything i do i really like shit, but i can control the fact that i love him so much even though he can be an asshole. When i see him he is a different person and when i call him he is an asshole acting like he wants nothing to do with me and now i'm very confused with him. My husband cheated on my recently with someone he said they were just friends, apparently she came on to him and he slept with her the one time and came home and told me. So now i'm confused because i married a man who i thought would never cheat on me considering that we got married and he always said to me that he would never do that to me, mind you in the past we had major problems we went through hell and back, but the ex was always in the picture. His girlfriend found out that we were talking and started calling me and he acted like i was running him down. So now i can't talk to him because he is ignoring me and being as asshole. My husband and i are still having problems because of what he did recently. I'm loosing my mind here and i really need some help
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female
reader, Fade878 +, writes (11 October 2007):
 Tell yourself-he is acting sweet but he is not sweet. Any idiot can pretend to be nice to get what they want. He is not good in character just because he can do nice.
He is using me and hurting me and hurting my family. I'm not going to allow him to do this to me or my family.
I am happier without him. I am stronger and smarter than this.
My children want me to be the best Mom I can be, I want to be the best Mom I can be. He gets in the way.
I'm walking away. I'm ignoring him. I don't need him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007): Thank you, i am trying very hard not to contact the ex and focus on my marriage and making it work because the last thing i want to is hurt my kids. My biggest problem is when i see the ex it's hard to walk way because is plays the sweet role.
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A
female
reader, baby duck  + ♥, writes (3 October 2007):
 Whoa, Nellie! Did you read your post? You are losing your mind because you have a lot of conflicting thoughts and feelings. You present yourself as someone suffering from unrequited love, admit that you feel like sh** about sleeping with him, and say that you can control your love for him. Uh huh. Okay. Then, he is an a**hole on the phone but sweet in person, and claims not to be a home wrecker while sleeping with you. Alllrighty then. You sound hurt that your husband promised to be faithful and failed, even though you are sitting right next to him in that boat and saying that you two are having problems because of what HE did recently. Whew!
First and foremost: it sounds like there are children on both sides. For their sake, everybody keep your pants on long enough to assess the situation. Second of all, none of you (your lover, your husband, his girlfriend nor you) are innocent, so you can acknowledge your hurt feelings but don't point blaming fingers at anyone else. It is true that if you all were getting your emotional needs met, you would not have been looking elsewhere. However, you cannot change anyone else's behavior, only your own. I think you all know the *right* thing to do. Don't over think anything; you're too confused. Right now, just do the right thing. When emotions settle down, you can start talking about how to proceed. As uncomfortable as you feel, resist the urge to do anything as major as splitting up the household. I am hoping that as selfish as you all have been, you are capable of focusing on the children right now.
Guilt is a flag that you're doing something wrong and so, used properly, it's a valid tool. Flogging yourself with it after admitting your mistake and making necessary changes is entirely counter-productive. Don't think for a minute that I am judging you. I may not have done what you have done, but I screw up plenty in other areas. I was just trying to give you a couple of places to focus so you could pull yourself out of your confusion long enough to realize that the situation is messy but not impossible. Good luck to you and everyone else involved, that you can learn and move on.
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A
female
reader, Fade878 +, writes (3 October 2007):
You are in love with an asshole who lies. He doesn't want to be a homewrecker translated means don't leave your husband for me because I just want to use you for sex. Yes that is what he meant. How do we know this? He slept with you.
You fell for his act of wanting to be some man of intergrity but his words do not align with his actions.
The reason you haven't gotten over him is because you built him up in your mind as your only love. Thus robbing from your husband-a man who wants to be with you and love you, and gave you the blessing of wonderful children.
The reason you haven't gotten over him is because you still decide to keep him active in your life. You still talk to him.
What do you mean you still have problems because of what your husband did? What about you and what you did?
Don't tell me that you are happy that you cheated on your husband FIRST and haven't told him. You can't be happy with this knowledge that you are a hypocrite and cheater.
You have some issues you need to sort out as all your sleeping around, chasing after an asshole, putting yourself in a position to be used-these are symptoms of an unhappiness that stems from inside of you.
You are losing your mind because you have made choices you know won't bring happiness and because why? Why are you punishing yourself? Why are you on a destructive path?
Have you ever been to a psychologist to address the pains and indignities you suffered in your youth?
Have you thought to attend an Addictions Recovery Program to heald from any addictions you have? Yes you have them as your behaviours indicate you-sex addiction may be on in that you rely on it to what you think make you feel better. You think having sex with anyone will make them love you and Honey...that EX from highschool has no love for you. You don't even love yourself? Why is that?
Please get some counselling. I don't want to read in the paper that a woman in Canada commmitted suicide and left her children motherless.
You can turn your life around. You can have the happiness your soul hungers for. You just need to get on a road of recovery.
Work to forgive, Love, and make choices that will bring you the happiness you want so badly.
You are sacrificing so much of your worth on unworthy men. STOP IT.
Please get some counselling and join a group today.
*hugs*
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