I'm left emotionally and physically starved

A female age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi, please, I desperately need help! My boyfriend/partner of several years is driving me sexually and emotionally insane! We live together for 2 and a half years now but things arent good. When or if we row he wont speak to me or let me speak to him for days on end. Because of this I'm left emotionally, and physically starved. Its the same when hes stressed or etc, no sex and little communication. Plus he also has a lack of interest in sex most days because he suffers from bad IBS - its seems really genuine. So sex only happens maybe once a week like on a saturday or once every two weeks IF he wants it. Plus his kisses are only ever pecks, no real intimacy in months. Hes very huggy and usually playful and cute, but I need more as a grown woman. Ive tried telling him, explaining my needs to him, even being honest enough to say I have imagined straying (said this once to try see what he'd say). He just seems to overlook what i say because nothing has changed. I know hes used porn a few times but i dont know much more (found it on his phone a few times). I very much doubt hes cheating because we're around each other a fair bit. So what do i do? I feel like I've tried everything i can think of. I dont want to have to masterbate to make up for his lack of involvement but I'm starting to get desperate. Trying to keep him happy, and get him interested again by doing all he wants when we are intimate etc hasnt worked! Nothing has! I've even tried being 'perfect' in every way but I know I shouldn't have to become a doormat to get to talk to him and get laid! Please please help!! The more answers the better. Thanks so so much to all who respond!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2011):

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A female reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (31 July 2011):

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