A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm going crazy here. I think I'm just going to end things with the guy I've been seeing. He obviously doesn't want me to be part of his life other than a Saturday night date. I know I'm not a patient person, but tonight will be our 17th date (every Saturday night since the first week in January).I have told him how I feel, but he is happy with things as they are. He goes places and does things during the week, but never thinks of including me. I just feel really hurt. He says he loves me, but I thought when a man loves a woman he wants to be with her as much as possible. I'm starting to think that he really doesn't love me. I have often told him that I want to see him more than once a week, but he doesn't seem to want to change things.He usually calls me about 3 times during the week and talks to me a long time (usually 1-2 hrs.). Do you think I'm overreacting or being too impatient? I feel like if he was going to want me to be more a part of his life than a Saturday night date, then he would have changed things by now. He has lived alone for 10 years, so it might just be that he is so used to the single life that he doesn't want to change. What do you think? What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, cnith +, writes (1 May 2010):
 I think you're looking at it from the wrong perspective. You aren't a priority in his life, so why are you making him a priority in yours?I say tonight (it's saturday where I am) you tell him you have other plans. Then make them happen. Stop thinking about him the way he stops thinking about you.Go on out and get yourself some happy. This guy isn't it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2010): In my experience when a man is in love with a girl or vis versa they want to spend as much time together as possible. It's the best part of a new relationship that infatuation stage. Those emotions are what many stale couples long for the heat and butterfly effect.It's been since Jan and you only see him on Saturday night, no matter what his age is a man is a man.....and it doesn't seem like you are "the one" for him. You should date around more and at least make him jealous. That will either spur him into action or if he doesn't care you will know where you stand.
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A
male
reader, UncleDoug +, writes (1 May 2010):
Hi,You have obviously been around the block a time or two, so I am sure you have heard the old adage "actions speak louder than words." You can more easily determine a person's intent based on their actions than on their words. He only shares your company once a week on Saturday nights. He says "he loves you," but his actions say "he loves to love you." Examine the facts: (1) You said it yourself, he has been a consummate bachelor for 10 years, (2) you have requested more (actually any) of his public social time and he has not been forthcoming, and (3) you obviously want more of a commitment. The question you may ask yourself is - are you willing to end your physical relationship if he doesn't commit to a deeper more meaningful relationship? Your answer will help you determine your next course of action.Remember another old chestnut - "don't fix it if it ain't broke." In other words, he is not going to see you more often, commit to a closer or longer term relationship, or alter things as long as he is getting what he wants. You may want to apply some leverage but you must be willing to stand by your ultimatum.Good Luck,UncleDoug
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A
male
reader, vietgamer45 +, writes (1 May 2010):
If I were in your shoes, I would think that he does not really love you at all. I agree with your thinking that if he really truly does love you, he would see you a lot more often than just Saturday. It is true that lovers should spend as much time as possible with each other. It is the only way that you both can get to know each other better and know what is going on with each other's lives.
I have a long distance relationship with my fiancee. We chat with each other and see each other on web cam very often. She makes the time for me, even when she is very sleepy and tired. She still goes out of her way to chat with me anyway. My point is that if he really truly loves you, he would make the time for you and spend the time with you, no matter how busy his schedule is. My fiancee works at a hospital and she still makes time for me. That shows and proves that she is very committed to the relationship. A relationship is a two-way street, not a one-way. A former chatfriend once told me that a friendship is a two-way street, not a one-way.
To me, it seems that you are in a one-way relationship, in which one person does not want to make a commitment and the other one does. My advice is to look for someone else. That is my opinion.
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