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I'm in love with my Godfather

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 August 2009) 33 Answers - (Newest, 3 December 2010)
A female United States age 26-29, *athaiti writes:

I am a 22 year old female who is in love with my Godfather. Surprisingly enough, he has confessed to me that if he wasn't my Godfather, he would marry me. I really don't know what to do. I have dreams about him at night and I want to start a relationship with him but don't want to upset my family.

Are the feelings that me and my Godfather have for each other perverted? He is not blood related to me. I REALLY need some advice.

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (3 December 2010):

rcn agony auntI didn't know his wife was also around your age. I'm sorry you're going through this hard time. Have you considered spending your time volunteering around this season? You might even meet someone else who is doing the same that you might begin a relationship with. Who knows? What we do know is sitting around feeling sorry for what is not happening is not going to make something happen. Going to bars work only if you're looking at getting physical with nothing serious, but so many rely on them in trying to find that special someone. I don't know if you frequent clubs, if you do, you won't find your guy there.

Let's talk about you. How open are you? What I mean is if you see someone you might want to get to know, do you flirt? Do you approach him? or are you someone who waits to be approached? What I want to know is if you wait for opportunity, or if you approach or seize opportunity when it presents itself. If you wait to be approached and you don't do the approaching, why do you think that is?

Lets see if there is something within yourself that is preventing opportunities to find that serious, long term, get married and have children kind of relationship. Okay?

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A female reader, kathaiti United States +, writes (26 November 2010):

kathaiti is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I'm so sad. My Thanksgiving didn't go well. And it wasn't because the food was bad. It was because I was alone. All of my friends (including my sister's friends)that came to eat diner with us were in relationships and I was the only one, at age 24, that was single. I know that for some, being 24 is still young, but I am so incredibly lonely. I hate waking up to myself and having no one to tell how my day went.

What hurts the most is that my mother (and her friends) always ask me when will I be in a serious relationship that will lead to marriage and then children. I feel so embarrassed when she ask me that, especially in front of people. What hurts the most is when my mother uses my Godfather's wife as an example, because she is around my age except, of course, that she is married and expecting her first child (which will be a baby girl; my Godfather informed me about the baby's sex thru an e-mail which crushed me even more becuz of the obvious)next year.

I pretty much hate being single during the holidays. This isn't my first time, which makes the situation even more dreadful.

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (19 October 2010):

rcn agony auntI'm sorry you didn't get the job. Keep your head up. During my life, I've had times where I didn't get a position, then around the corner I end up getting one that ends up being better for me than the one I didn't get. You never know what's around the corner, you only know the corner exists.

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A female reader, kathaiti United States +, writes (15 October 2010):

kathaiti is verified as being by the original poster of the question

RCN, I didn't get the Editorial Assistant job....and I'm mad as hell!

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (13 October 2010):

rcn agony auntYour welcome. Thank you for the new name, that's sweet. Keep us updated, and if you need anything else, just ask. Take care.

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A female reader, kathaiti United States +, writes (12 October 2010):

kathaiti is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you RCN! You're a sweetheart. That's my new name for you!

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (11 October 2010):

rcn agony auntYou may not think you do, but I assure you that God holds true to every reason you do. I believe you deserve every opportunity that best reflects who you are, and who (in every moment) you're developing to be.

I hope you get that job. :)

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A female reader, kathaiti United States +, writes (11 October 2010):

kathaiti is verified as being by the original poster of the question

To be honest RCN, I don't think I deserve any of the opportunities that has come my way. I still wonder why God has chosen to give them to me.

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (9 October 2010):

rcn agony auntYou know, sometimes when hurt and broken, God renews and makes whole, but through new opportunities. I hope you get the job. :) Take care.

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A female reader, kathaiti United States +, writes (8 October 2010):

kathaiti is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Just updating on my life after the heartbreak:

I accepted the Editorial Intern position at Beacon Press. Then, four days later, a staff member asked me if I was interested in a FT Editorial Assistant position! I said yes, and interviewed for the FT position this passed Wednesday. The session went well and I hope that I get the job!

Praise be to Jesus.

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (14 September 2010):

rcn agony auntGlad to hear the update. That's exciting. I hope everything works out for you. Take care.

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A female reader, kathaiti United States +, writes (13 September 2010):

kathaiti is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you Anonymous and RCN!

A day after my Godfather's wedding, I composed a list of some goals that I'd like to accomplish and I've got some great news to share w/ everyone: I was recently offered a Editorial Internship at Beacon Press!

I'm all in smiles! This recent accomplishment is mending my broken heart. Of course, I have the good Lord to thank for that!

P.S.-I still haven't received the wedding photos and to be honest, I don't really care anymore.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010):

hey girl, i too turn to God for guidance. it works.

be strong and heal slowly and one day your prince charming will erase those hurtful memories.

i think you will agree your godfather was very inappropriate with you. he was just so wrong. but that is water under the bridge right now.

take care, hun!

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (23 August 2010):

rcn agony auntIt's amazing when I hear how God directly works in lives. Congrats. You made the right choice and bettered yourself and your position by doing so. I'm glad to hear you're doing okay. Take care.

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (23 August 2010):

Miamine agony auntGood woman. We often fall in love with unsuitable people, or people who don't love us back.. That's life unfortunately, it's worse for you because you still have to see him. I have to see my ex too, 18years and he walks out, that hurts, but you do get over it...

That's life I'm afraid, sometimes we fall in love, we get hurt and we have to go on alone and learn to love again.

My thoughts are with you, take strength from your belief in God.

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A female reader, kathaiti United States +, writes (23 August 2010):

kathaiti is verified as being by the original poster of the question

RCN and Miamine,

thank you for your concerns. To tell you the truth, I decided not to go out that night of August 11th. I realized that getting drunk was not the answer so I decided to stay home and face the truth. I also prayed that night and I asked God to mend my heart. When the morning of August 12th came, I didn't cry. I don't mean to get religious, but God showed me that the way things happened was for the better even though I was left heart broken. He made me realize how my relationship with my Godfather could have split our family apart had anyone known about us.

I won't lie, it still hurts. I dread the day of seeing those wedding pictures and when his facebook status will read "Married." I am praying for God to give me strength when those days arrive.

I also must mention that when I decided not to go out on August 11th, I called my Godfather and his then Girlfriend (who is now his wife), and realized that they were meant for each other. I was probably just a fling for my Godfather because at that time him and his girlfriend were having a lot of problem. So their split was just a bump in the road for them and I feel like I should have known better, especially since he's been with that same girl for a very long time.

I really do hope that by the time those wedding pictures come, my heart would have already been healed.

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (16 August 2010):

Miamine agony auntWe are hoping your alright babes...

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (16 August 2010):

rcn agony auntOkay, it's past August 12. How are you doing? I hope okay.

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A female reader, kathaiti United States +, writes (11 August 2010):

kathaiti is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Tomorrow, after 10:00 a.m., my Godfather will officially be a married man. I don't want to accept it, but I know that I have to.

I'm thinking about getting drunk with my friends tonight so I won't have to think about him saying "I do", to her. Hopefully, I will wake up with such a hang over that I will completely forget about the wedding.

But I know that reality will set in once he sends the wedding photos. My heart is going to be in so much pain like it is right now.

Goodness, I wish our "involvement" NEVER happened. Tomorrow would have been an easy day for me if I hadn't fallen for him.

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A female reader, kathaiti United States +, writes (7 August 2010):

kathaiti is verified as being by the original poster of the question

OMG! August 12th is approaching. I'm having a hard time breathing...

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (2 August 2010):

rcn agony auntI know it's going to take time. Remember, I'm going through what you are, but from the opposite side. She was younger, I proposed, she accepted, then decided I'm not going to be part of her future goals. Trust me, I know exactly what you're going through. Loving someone so much, and having them so far out of reach, then being confused, and wondering how something that wonderful could evaporate into nothing. Trust me I know. I'm saying to look at the lesson. There's a risk you put yourself in with any relationship, but I now believe even more so when their is an age difference.

Take care. It'll be a hard day, but you'll make it through.

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A female reader, kathaiti United States +, writes (31 July 2010):

kathaiti is verified as being by the original poster of the question

RCN,

thank you for your advice, but it's going to take some time for my heart to heal.

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A female reader, kathaiti United States +, writes (31 July 2010):

kathaiti is verified as being by the original poster of the question

It's funny how I posted my question on August 12th of last year and this year, my Godfather and his soon to be wife will be married on August 12th!!!!!

Goodness! Thursday is going to be such a hard day :(

The girlfriend (and soon to be wife) is in her 3rd month. Come to think of it, my Godfather probably married her because she was pregnant.

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (30 July 2010):

rcn agony auntI know what you're going through. I was with someone who was also younger than I was. You put your faith and trust in someone, but you also have to realize that with the difference in your age, was he looking for what you were looking for. It seems as if the page you two are on were separate pages. In my situation, we were on the same page, until she found that she was not ready. What do you do? You have to let him go, and wish them the best. Don't feel bad or stupid for falling for someone. That's how you experience, even when it turns out this way. You'll find someone who's wanting what you are, and it'll be a wonderful experience. Just think, when it does happen, it may not have, if you had not gone through this experience first.

Sometimes we learn what we don't want to, but we become stronger for having learned it. If you never experienced something that made you cry, would you ever become stronger within yourself? I know it hurts, and I'm not saying you shouldn't feel the way you do, only saying to look deeper into the lesson that can be learned from this experience.

I hope this helps. Take care.

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A female reader, kathaiti United States +, writes (29 July 2010):

kathaiti is verified as being by the original poster of the question

To Annonymous,

Truthfully, I feel hurt and betrayed. He told me the news of his marriage and his girlfriend's pregnancy this passed Sunday and I felt like my heart broke into two. I am having a hard time moving on and I don't think I'll be able to look at the wedding pictures when he sends them to me.

I feel so stupid for falling for him. I really did love him. We never had sex and that's why I enjoyed our time together. As I am writing this I am crying. I don't think I'll pick up the phone when he calls. Hearing his voice will make it that difficult to move on.

Any advice???

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010):

thanks for the update. how do you feel about all this? can you go back to godchild/godfather relationship? does his soon to be wife know about your affair(?) relationship?? are you coping with the breakup?

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A female reader, kathaiti United States +, writes (28 July 2010):

kathaiti is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well, things didn't last with my Godfather and I think that it was for the best. He is now getting married to his long time girlfriend (this August 12th)and she is pregnant with the couples first baby.

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A female reader, Love is all you need United Kingdom +, writes (25 August 2009):

Love is all you need agony aunti think thts fine then i mean hes not tht much older than u himself he wasnt tht old when he became ur god father i bet and who knows maybe u'll fine he has feelings for u too bt i'd make sure u were sure first

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A female reader, kathaiti United States +, writes (19 August 2009):

kathaiti is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you to everyone who have responded to my question. It feels so good to hear that the feelings I have for my Godfather isn't perverted. And yes, I will speak to him about how I really feel...

Oh yeah, to answer Love is all You Need question, my Godfather is a 35 year old "sexy" un-married man who plays the bass guitar (I am weak for musicians...

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A female reader, Love is all you need United Kingdom +, writes (12 August 2009):

Love is all you need agony aunthow much older is he then u?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009):

the role of a godfather is basically a stand in father isn't it.

is the godfather married. how old is he?

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A female reader, ilovebowsandcherries United Kingdom +, writes (12 August 2009):

ilovebowsandcherries agony auntat the end of the day we can't help who we fall in love with!

he's not related to you he's just someone whose meant to look out for you should anything happen to your family (touch wood it doesn't) like a guardian type person.

you've known him for a long time i'm guess as he's your godfather!

you need to do wht's right for you speak to him about it and tell him how you feel and that you really think it could be something truly amazing you're family maybe be upset or shocked SURE! but at the end of the day you're a grown women and it's your descision not theres.

Hope this helps :)

x ilovebowsandcherries x

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (12 August 2009):

rcn agony auntThese feelings are not perverted. Whoever you begin a relationship with is about you. Not about hurting family.

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