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I'm in a relationship but want to experiment with men--is it wrong?

Tagged as: Gay relationships, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 January 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 28 January 2009)
A male United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I am a 20 year old male with a crossdressing fetish. I have been interested in crossdressing since childhood, and as i hit puberty, it became much more of a sexual thing. I don't get to enjoy this fetish of mine very often however, due to the fact that I have to keep it hidden from everyone in my life. this is especially hard now since I am in a serious relationship with a girl who I care for very much. But i will have an opportunity to dress without worry in few months since I will be going on a trip to canada for the next three months. My biggest fear is this: Whenever I am dressed as a female, I often fantasize about having sex with a man. I am generally not attracted to men, but am attracted to the penis only. I would never date a guy or be in a relationship with one, and I love having sex with women more than anything. It's just the idea of giving a guy head or taking on a more submissive role really turns me on. I feel like while I have the chance I should experiment, but I know this would be cheating and I could never tell her. But if I dont I may just have these feelings for the rest of my life, and i'm not married or anything. Can I justifiably experiment with another man while in a serious longterm relationship while I am young and not as seriously committed, or do I have to just ignore my bicurious impulses and remain faithful? I am very confused, and would appreciate any opinions! I've also had this fantasy for a very long time, and I feel like I need to see what it's like in reality. I just dont want to ruin my relationship or end up regretting it. HElp!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009):

we are not physically together at the moment but have agreed to stay together during our time apart, so i'm not supposed to sleep with anyone else, but if i wanted this would be the time to do it. I am not sure how I feel about it

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009):

If you are not together right now then experiment. It is most definitely better to do it now than it would be when you are married or back together with her.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2009):

these are all good responses, and I appreciate the feedback very much. However, I don't think that I would be interested in being dominated by a woman while in the feminine mode. The idea of using a strap-on doesn't seem very appealing to me.

My fantasy is basically to be completely dressed as a girl, and to be with an older man. I am mostly interested in performing oral on a man, and I don't think it would satisfy this desire to simply have my girl wear a strapon. I do intend to tell her about this side of me, but I of course would't tell her if I were to sleep with a guy during this time apart.

I think the reason I am even considering cheating on her is that this is not the same as if I were to just sleep with another girl. I know cheating is cheating, but I feel like this is also the time in my life when I should have this experience in order to learn about myself and see what it is that I'm really interesting. I may find out that it isn't for me, and leave it at that. Or I might find that I really like guys sexually and maybe won't want to continue my relationship. I find that unlikely however, as I am in a very healthy and secure relationship. So i kind of see this as my only chance to try this, and I won't feel as bad as if she were still here, or if I were married or something. I just don't know what is right. I guess I know what is right from everyone else's point of view, but I am not sure if this is one of those things where I have to do something wrong in order to fulfill some need or something. I have no idea! Thanks to everyone who has shared their opinion.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2009):

That was an excellent answer, I agree with the previous poster, there is nothing wrong with your fetish, stuff like that becomes a problem when you hide it, when you try to pretend you are someone else, when you try and tell the person you love that you are a person you are not, open up to this girl slowly though don’t put to much on her at once, if you not familiar with this it can freak you out ,

woman are strange, we will get a boob job if we think our man prefers big tits, why because we want to please you, I will do anything for my man coz I want him to know that I can be all his fantasies in one body, I can be his slut, and I can be his angel, I can be a hardcore girl, or a gentle lover, and seeing how much he enjoys what I am doing makes me wana do even more, coz I know that he is truly happy and that makes me happy.

We all have urges, and desires, for a lot of strange things but they don’t seem as strange once your partner is sharing them with you, I never thought I would be able to be that kinky girl didn’t think I had it in me, but because he told me what he likes and how he likes it, I discovered me, a part of me I didn’t know I had, and I started opening up about my own fantasies I don’t feel ashamed when I want him to smack my bum, like I did before we opened up like this. I always thought my man brought up threesomes with other girls coz he wanted to F*ck another woman, but after I agreed to invite a girl over all the poor guy did was watch he didn’t even want to touch this girl and that made it great I love it even though that same thought made me wanna hurl a couple of years back.

But don’t go and cheat please dear, coz you will only be more confused and would have to live with guilt, try and involve her she might give you the time of your life, she might enjoy you with another man, who knows.. But the guilt of cheating will kill you inside and you sound like such a decent man, I really don’t think cheating is for you, don’t let anyone tell you its wrong…

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2009):

I have seen this happen on more than one occasion and nine times out of ten if you do this you may be able to have the best of both world without cheating. First off it's not the man that you are attracted to its his penis, second you want to be in a submissive role. You may not believe this but most woman like being in the dominate role. This is usually because it is out of the norm. You should approach your girlfriend at the right time and ask her if she would like to fulfill a fantasy of yours by role playing.

First take her to the xxx store both you and her pick out a strap-on one that both agree on. Let her know that you want her to be in control and want to reverse the roles, you being the submissive and her being dominate. Pick out a movie that will relate to the situation and watch it together so she gets an idea on what to do or not do, what to say and not say. They have movies where the man is being dominated by the female with the proper attachments.

You like the female form but also you want to be the feminine one at times. Believe me when she gets the hang of it she will like taking on the role. Tell her that by you always being the man is making you the winner all the time and no one can always be the winner. She will want to fulfill your fantasy all woman want to. Lastly tell her that she turns you on and that you want her to share in your fantasies as you want to fulfill hers as well. She may even have one that she tells you about...

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