A
male
age
41-50,
*urgussen
writes:I've been dating this girl for almost a year. I love her. We live together. I think she could be the one. But I don't feel like I've finished playing the field. I'm not looking for another relationship, just some physical fun. My girlfriend is not open to 3-somes and is very jealous when I'm around other women. I know she would be less jealous if she didn't have anything to worry about, but I'm not sure if she should worry.How can I bring this up? I really love this girl and don't want to hurt the relationship, but I realize that this is my life and I want to enjoy it while I'm still here.What do I do?
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female
reader, superrrshawna  +, writes (13 August 2008):
 honestly, i can understand where you are coming from. what you need to tell her is the truth which is you think she is the one but you feel like in order to overcome your commitmentphobia you think you need to date around and get your jitters out before anything serious happens between the two of you. say you don't think you've dated enough people or something to know for sure. suggest a break for a definite amount of time if she is open to it. if she isn't at first, maybe suggest rules the two of you will stick to. if you can't have sex at least you'll be able to date and kiss around.i'm not a fan of breaks, so think carefully about how even suggesting one will affect your relationship. she might be understanding, she might be really hurt. and if she is jealous now, she will be even more jealous of the girls you hook up with on the break.can you bear to lose her? are other girls out there worth losing this one just because you want to go live it up?good luck!
A
female
reader, Fairy Godmother  +, writes (13 August 2008):
 I'm sorry but you can't have it both ways! You must make a choice between the relationship you have or the single life.
It sounds to me as if you are not ready for a true commitment yet and that you feel that you are somehow missing out. Or is it simply a case of 'green grass'?
You're in a long-term, committed relationship, and I am therefore not surprised your girlfriend feels jealous and uncomfortable when you mention 3-somes.
I respect whichever decision you make but please make a decision and be considerate of the feelings of others.
With best wishes.
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