A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over 2 years now. In the past the problems we had were because I was obsessive and tended to get upset about a lot of things when I could have just let them go and been fine. My boyfriend has told me that I've gotten a lot better at this. I'm much calmer, and in better control of my emotions. Sometimes it's hard not to get obsessed with possible issues though.He is currently living with his parents so that he can take care of his mom while he looks for a job. His mom has cancer, and his brother avoids helping, and his father is always working and never around to help.There are some strange behaviors that he has, some which are extremely frustrating. For instance, if I have to tell him something that he doesn't particularly like, he will usually grab a pillow/blanket/something, turn away from me and curl up, like this is supposed to show me that he is upset. I feel like he is using this action so that I will immediately feel remorse for saying such a thing, and end up apologizing to him! That is often what happens, however the more and more he does it I begin to get frustrated, and even angry sometimes. When he does this I just want to leave, but then he will ask me where I am going in this pitiful "don't leave me" tone of voice. Another thing is that if I get annoyed or frustrated he will get mopey like described and start saying things like "I'm sorry I won't bother you" which just frustrates me more. I don't understand why he has to act so pathetic. Something else that he has been doing a lot lately, is making up stories to trick me. For example he will ask me to let him into my house, even though we haven't talked about him coming over. I have to ask him if he's really here. Tonight he did this, and said he was parked in the driveway. I knew the driveway was full, and the only other car belonged to my brother's friend. My boyfriend then said it was his car. I asked him why he feels like making these things up, and he said he does it because he is bored, antsy, lonely, and said that he doesn't do it as much when I'm away. I'd rather he just not do it at all, and just be totally honest with me. It frustrates me and makes me sad because I just don't trust him with anything that sounds out of the ordinary anymore.The main problem here is that I just want to talk to him about these things, and when I do I am as nice as possible, I don't shout, I just ask in a curious sounding voice "why do you do that? it confuses me". Eventually he just suddenly decided that he didn't want to talk anymore, which makes me feel like he can't own up to the things he does, like he wants to hide from the possibility that he makes mistakes sometimes.He also tickles me sometimes even when I have asked him to stop. Sometimes I just put up with it and have to use all my strength to basically wrestle with him and keep him from doing things I don't want. He thinks it's a game. When I told my mother about this, she said that a psychiatrist would call that a form of abuse. She also at times has believed that he is somewhat manipulative. I don't think that it's a serious case, though I do feel that some of the behavior described above is in some ways manipulative. He also has ADD and a tendency to be very childish, especially if he hasn't eaten or if he's bored. He once tried to tie me up so that I couldn't resist tickling. While writing this it just seems more and more ridiculous to me that he does things like that. When I used to have a worse temper, there were times when he would call me childish because I was frustrating him. He asked me to work on those problems, and I did, and he has told me I have improved. What I do not think is fair however, is that if I ask him not to do things like make up exaggerated stories and not to make me feel bad for talking about necessary things, he just wants to stop talking, like he would just rather give up. Even when I try to be as gentle and nice about it as possible. I'm going to keep trying to talk to him, and when he curls up and mopes I will just ignore him, hoping that maybe he will get the hint that I'm not going to feel sorry for him anymore. He's really a smart person in many ways, even smarter than me, and is nice and caring, but I don't like having to deal with him when he acts immature, and starts being an unfair jerk. I can understand that it could be because of his mom's condition and the situation around his house (complicated and stressful) I don't know what to do besides to try talking to him, but eventually I just won't want to put up with it anymore. I really don't want to just give up on the relationship though, I want to try and work it out like we did in the past.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): I want to thank you for posting it has been a revelation to me. I have alot of characteristics like your boy friend and my boyfriend is also fed up i want to change i see maybe you need to be real strait foward to him like mine was to me. He told me that if i dont get over it he's just gonna have to leave and this will not work out. I dont want to lose him so I'm willing to change and put my childness a side. I know its hard but maybe, if he's not willing to compermise then maybe it's not ment to be.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, I will try that.
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A
female
reader, kayla20  +, writes (28 July 2009):
 seems to me that because he isnt having a good time at home with having to look after his mother when his around you he wants to act childish instead of responsible as he obviously has to be quite adult and responsible when his mother is concerned.also he may crave attention as his mother father and sibling cant give him the attention he wants as his the one giving the attention if u no wot i mean.next time he curls up like he doesnt want to talk dont apologise say to him "when i want to tell u something u neva want to listen and curling up really isnt going to help matters if we talk we can sort it out before our relationship goes down hill" in that way ur letting him no u want to talk about it and if u dont then theres a chance he could loose the relationship.
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