A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy in january this year and we have kept in touch, he comes to my flat with friends and we all have a good time. We both had a relationship that ended with our partners cheating on us so when i met him he said he wasn't ready for a girlfriend. we are attracted to eachother because we spent the first night we met kissing and talking, he made it clear back in january he wasn't ready for a girlfirend which at the time suited me fine to have some fun with a friend, i've slept with him and i have since realised that i could have a relationship with him as he is a great guy and i would never treat him how his ex girlfriend did, also recently he has been showing little affectionate signs towards me and complimenting me more, i think he feels the same way but i don't know whether to tell him. please can someone answer my question. Do i tell him how i feel and risk losing what i have at the moment with him and from what i've said does he have feelings for me too???
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ask oldersister  +, writes (16 March 2008):
 You are already sleeping with him, right? You also told him it suited you just fine, this arrangement of yours. But now you want a relationship, you want to change things because you are no longer comfortable having sex without the commitment. You also think the barrier to this commitment is his past hurt and overcoming this barrier would just be a matter of convincing him you would treat him better than his ex. I'm sorry to tell you, but, you have all of this backwards and twisted around so much it makes no sense although I'm sure it does to you.
I would be very surprised if you told him how you feel and you got exactly what you want, however, there are always exceptions. I think your odds are far better when you are "smarter" at the beginning because it's much harder to back-pedal and that's what you're in for.
If he wasn't comfortable with this arrangement, he would have done something about it a long time ago. What's concerning is to be sleeping with someone and to be encouraged by "little affectionate signs". That's not a positive predictor of "future relationship".
I'm sure he has some feelings for you but not enough to ensure you aren't out there dating and building intimacy with other guys. I tend to think you'd be much better off keeping those feelings to yourself and just start dating again, moving on with your life, and he may possibly show a reaction to that..or not.
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