A
male
age
41-50,
*ohnisBlind
writes:Assume that I am an alien from another planet that know nothing at all about sex. In fact I don't know anything about sex.I have not had sexual intercourse and I am 29 years old. For religious reasons I have abstained from seeing prostitutes and any other sexual activity. Asides from STDs, the fear of objectification, religious consideration, and the high financial costs are their any reasons why men would find so little sexual fulfillment from seeing prostitutes so that they would prefer to not have sex with prostitutes? What am I missing out on? If it was enjoyable would it get boring quickly in the absence of emotionality?It would seem intuitive to me that if a person had sufficient capital and no religious bind preventing him from that activity that a man without any other outlet would have sex with prostitutes frequently. If sex is the very height of human pleasure why should it be otherwise? Or is it not he height of human pleasure?
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (3 August 2010):
 Excellent answers Jill! I agree with pretty much everything you wrote.
A
female
reader, StrayTogether.com +, writes (3 August 2010):
 Do I think porn is as good and safer than a prostitute?
Definitely safer. As good as? I think being with another person - even if it is a prostitute - is likely better, but based on the quality of the encounter about which we're speaking and the end result, porn and a good sex toy or your own hands would be the better option on many levels. I especially believe this if porn means you continue to live up to your religious standards and the prostitute means that you lose what you've maintained all these years. Additionally, I truly don't believe that you'll find "the height of human pleasure" with a prostitute. Although one at the higher end of the spectrum who loves his/her vocation may well prove me wrong.
Fondly,
Jill
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A
male
reader, JohnisBlind +, writes (3 August 2010):
JohnisBlind is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou think that porn is as good and safer than a prostitute? I have not even thought of that.
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female
reader, StrayTogether.com +, writes (3 August 2010):
Your questions are quite though-provoking, and I thought about them long after I wrote my response. I had some afterthoughts to share.
"... are their any reasons why men would find so little sexual fulfillment from seeing prostitutes so that they would prefer to not have sex with prostitutes?" I believe that there are men so repulsed by the idea of either a prostitute or paying for sex that they would never even consider this an option. On the other hand, I believe there are men who would choose to ONLY have sex with prostitutes as this is what turns them on. The reasons may be varied and considered off-kilter to the rest of us, including the fact that it's illicit or perhaps their mother or favorite aunt was a prostitute. (Who knows what people think, right?)
"What am I missing out on?" No one can tell you this. We don't know what we don't know, nor do you. Sex and its importance are something different to everyone, in my opinion. Once you have sex, you'll know, and not before.
"If it was enjoyable would it get boring quickly in the absence of emotionality?" Anything, including sex, can become boring, whether emotion is involved or not. You've heard of people complaining that their sex lives have become routine? It's up to the participants to keep it from becoming routine and boring.
You say, "I have not had sexual intercourse and I am 29 years old. For religious reasons I have abstained from seeing prostitutes and any other sexual activity." On my first reading, I took this to mean that you've had NO sexual activity, including masterbating. On my second reading, I took it to mean that you've not had a sexual encounter that involved another person. If it's the former, then it's most difficult to answer your questions. If it's the latter, then I dare say that what your hands and any porn site can offer you is probably as good and safer than seeing a prostitute: An orgasm without emotion.
"Or is it not he height of human pleasure?" The brain is the most erogenous zone and that means that the height of human pleasure for different people will be different things. It may be getting off at 30,000 feet while flying an airplane and being alone. It may be being tied up and getting whipped. It may be having an orgasm induced by the activities of another with whom you're in a committed relationship. Or it may well be having sex with a prostitute, specifically. And it may be something having nothing whatsoever to do with sex. To each his own, and you'll have to figure out what the height of your own pleasure is.
As far as prostitutes go and the quality of their services, remember that it's a job to them. Have you ever seen someone at work that didn't enjoy their work? As the majority of prostitutes, from what I can gather, didn't dream of becoming prostitutes when they grew up, I can only imagine that they will do what they have to for the money and then move on to the next John (again the irony of your screen name). Therefore, I deduce that you will not get the mind-blowing sex about which you ask.
Finally, before you go running off spending your hard-earned money with a lady of the evening or getting involved with a sexually casual relationship, ask yourself, "How important is my religion to me?" If this is the reason you've not indulged in all these years while your friends have time and time again, it must be pretty damned important. I've found in life that the anticipation of any event (good or bad) is always greater than the event itself. Don't do something you'll be sorry for later. Once you've taken the sexual plunge, you can't go back and undo it. I'm sure your higher power offers forgiveness, but it won't change what you did or didn't do.
Fondly,
Jill
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A
female
reader, StrayTogether.com +, writes (3 August 2010):
@John: Paying for sex with an escort is no more legal than paying for it with a prostitute and the fear of exposure should exist equally.
@Gabrielle: I've often joked that the women I know don't take money in exchange for sex in the traditional sense, but in a traditional relationship, we will accept everything from dinner and a movie, to commitment, to jewelry and other gifts and gladly offer our men sex after receiving same. ;)
Fondly,
Jill
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A
male
reader, JohnisBlind +, writes (3 August 2010):
JohnisBlind is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello, Staytogether.com. Won't most of those negative side effects be erased if I saw escorts rather than prostitutes?
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A
male
reader, JohnisBlind +, writes (3 August 2010):
JohnisBlind is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello, Gabrielle Stoker, Let me ask you. How long did most of those casual relationships that you had last? What in your opinion broke them apart? Did they get boring?
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (3 August 2010):
 Interesting question. As Jill puts it, pain is the counter-point to pleasure, and if the pain from an encounter outweighs the pleasure, most people would not go forward.
I've never taken money in return for sex (and never will), but I've had a lot of casual partners and the general view that men is that no matter how great the sex is with someone, a relationship makes it better.
Being with a prostitute, however, carries too many negatives - not just the risks that earlier posters have already highlighted, but also the fact that it often leads to residual guilt and a blow to the self-esteem.
Casual sex with a willing partner is nice if that partner is skilled (though you won't know what in advance) though. You may want to explore that.
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female
reader, StrayTogether.com +, writes (3 August 2010):
If pleasure and pain are the two human motivators and if pain (and avoidance thereof) has more influence than pleasure, I would say that a prostitutes offerings of pleasure don't outweigh the potential pain. What pain, you ask? STDs, as you pointed out, being caught, arrest, fines, records, embarrassment in the form of public humiliation. Beyond that, in my humble opinion, sex with emotional attachment is so much more satisfying. If you just want to have an orgasm, you have plenty of toys and your hands as options. If you want sexual fulfillment, enjoying sex with a partner with whom you have an emotional commitment is so much more satisfying because it encompasses both the emotional and physical. This, IMO, is the HEIGHT human pleasure, and orgasm without emotion doesn't make the cut.As a soft swinger, I've had orgasms with people to whom I've had no commitment. It's fun, it's exciting, and it's a nice change of pace. But after the party's over, my mate and I come home and make love to each other, with all the emotions, and it's a hundred fold more satisfying.If I had no partner, I would still masterbate. Why? Because the physical release is good for one's own well being. It reduces stress and anxiety through the release of endorphines and has been the subject of scientific studies that prove same.Not sure if I answered your question in the fashion you were seeking and not being a man, I'm not sure that I can relate as wholeheartedly as the gentlemen here can. I do feel, however, that the opinions of both sexes may be beneficial to you.Fondly,JillP.S. I find your screen name, John Is Blind, ironic, as ages ago, in an effort to curb masterbation, people used to tell their kids that they'd go blind if they masterbated too often. Interesting.
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A
male
reader, JohnisBlind +, writes (2 August 2010):
JohnisBlind is verified as being by the original poster of the questionReally? Really? Really? Swear to God/gods? Pinky finger swear? Well why don't people sound like my next door neighbors when they meet up with their daughter? Not to be skeptical but airports aren't that noisy. lol.
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (2 August 2010):
Having never seen a prostitute, I can't say what they may or may not be capable of. Is it possible that a prostitute could give you a mind blowing orgasm? Yes. Is it likely? Probably not.Most prostitutes I've seen interviewed are just looking to get you off as quickly as possible. To be (for lack of a better term) your sex toy. They are just going to put in enough effort to make you cum and then, they are gone and on to the next trick.When you have sex with someone who loves you, they typically want to please you. When someone is actively trying to give you the most pleasure possible, it is an incredibly intense feeling. Now sure, you may find a prostitute who loves her job, and truely wants a 100% satisfied customer. In that case, she may be able to give you that blindingly intense feeling. However, most women don't get into that business because they like sexing up random men. They get into it out of despiration or misplaced love (in their pimp). That doesn't generally breed the desire to please. It breeds the desire to get paid.
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male
reader, JohnisBlind +, writes (2 August 2010):
JohnisBlind is verified as being by the original poster of the question"Sex is great when it's right, but it is also not all it's cracked up to be."
But I have heard that sex can be so good that's almost like agony. The feeling of ecstasy overwhelms the body and makes the person feel like their is more pleasure than they can handle. And the sounds my next door neighbors make can be almost unbearable to hear because they sound like they are having such a good time. They are probably the reason I have thought about seeing a prostitute, could a prostitute make me feel like that because I really do want to feel like that be.
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (2 August 2010):
Not to try and answer for Cerberus, because he is more than capable of answering for himself, I'd like to give you my view on the question in your most recent follow up.
Can sex still be great without the emotional connection?
Yes. The feeling it gives can be incredible if you are with someone who knows what they are doing. I've had girls who have my teeth tingle. Heck, just thinking about that encounter makes my heart race a little. Still, I believe that the best sex is the sex you have with a loving partner. While pretty much anyone can satisfy the penis, there is more to you than just that.
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (2 August 2010):
It's been almost a year for me now since I broke up with my last gf, so that means no sex for me. I'm very sexually frustrated, but I'll tell you what, I was almost more sexually frustrated in the relationship because I wanted sex and she didn't most of the time.
How do I cope? Masturbation. I'm trying to find a girl now who has a similar sex drive, but between work and everything else, it hasn't been easy. That's also not typically first date conversation. Have I thought about getting a hooker? Sure. I've surfed craigslist to see what's out there, but I'd rather not risk the legal or health problems. It just simply isn't worth it to me.
I should tell you, I'm very anti-religion for my own beliefs. I respect others' views and choices as long as they respect mine. So I don't look at sex from a religiously moral perspective. I have my own morals or code of conduct that I believe in.
I do think that if you gave up your beliefs just for sex, you would regret it in the long run. You've held those beliefs for a long time. Sex is great when it's right, but it is also not all it's cracked up to be. Often it just complicates your life. The girl who took my virginity told me that sex was like the pringles slogan, "Once you pop, you just can't stop." That's been true for me, and I sometimes hate that it motivates me as much as it does. Still, I'm not willing to give it up.
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male
reader, JohnisBlind +, writes (2 August 2010):
JohnisBlind is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Ceberus. "Like dirtball explained the act of sex itself, while great, is only part of what makes it so joyous. The emotional connection etc. is just as important." So I must ask because I don't understand. Are you saying that without the emotional connection it would still be great? "great compared to what?" I need to know what "great" means, not because I am overly analytical but because I don't have a clue.
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reader, JohnisBlind +, writes (2 August 2010):
JohnisBlind is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Cerberus. If you were in my situation and was worried, perhaps with good reason, that you wouldn't have sex for decades, what would you do and why?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): Like dirtball explained the act of sex itself, while great, is only part of what makes it so joyous. The emotional connection etc. is just as important.
Having sex with a prostitute is not the same as having sex with a girl you've taken time to get to know and form an emotional bond with.
There's also the sense of accomplishment that the chase gives. Going from first date to full on sexual openness and comfort can take time and effort. Which makes getting to that point all the more satisfying.
Trust me there's no equal to having sex with a woman that is in love with you, turned on by you and wants to please you out of her own volition. A prostitute is just doing her job and while she'll want to do it well, it's an empty act devoid of all meaning.
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male
reader, JohnisBlind +, writes (2 August 2010):
JohnisBlind is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, dirtball. Does that really mean you would go decades without sex if you had to and you wouldn't get sexually frustrated? Because I am seriously thinking of losing my religion. out of an almost biological kind of yearning, but I don't know what it is exactly I want. Your insight would help me from choosing that path.
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male
reader, JohnisBlind +, writes (2 August 2010):
JohnisBlind is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondirtball, I would rate your answer but I don't want it to bias the other respondants.
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male
reader, JohnisBlind +, writes (2 August 2010):
JohnisBlind is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, dirtball. Does that really mean you would go decades without sex if you had to and you wouldn't get sexually frustrated? Because I am seriously thinking of losing my religion. out of an almost biological kind of yearning, but I don't know what it is exactly I want. Your insight would help me from choosing that path.
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female
reader, vampyreholic  +, writes (2 August 2010):
I can't believe anyone would be ashamed of NOT being with a prostitutes. You never know what you're getting. If you truly want to have sex, find a woman you want to be with and not one that wants to get paid
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reader, dirtball +, writes (2 August 2010):
For me, sex is about connection with my partner. A prostitute can be good for an orgasm, but really, I can give that to myself for free.
Yes, it can be boring without the emotions. You just go through the motions. Sure it may feel good, but it isn't the same as when you have a deep connection with the person you love.
Many men, even ones with religious bindings, visit prostitutes. On one level it is easy. If you just want sex, without all the rest, why not? Personally, I want the rest too, so a prostitute isn't for me.
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