A
female
age
26-29,
*exxiylove
writes:Hello all. I need a little advice! Me and my boyfriend are in a LDR and we're happy of course. But like a week ago we got into an argument because i thought he was lying about something. He took it very very personal. Which i understand. But lately he's been acting so weird and like i'm one of his guy friends or something. And it's been hurting my feelings. I just want us to act the way we used to. Like I've confronted him about that, and he just says yeah i know. It's taking a toll on me. I'm starting to become that nagging girlfriend and i don't wanna be! it's also just making me more distant. And the last thing i want to do is not be with him. I'm suppose to go down there on the 7th of January and I'm just scared he's going to be the same way. He says it'll help us, and maybe it will. But i'm not sure. I need some advice on what i should do to make things back to the way they used to be. Cause I feel like I've done everything i possibly can, and it's just making me more and more distant. Help, please! Reply to this Question
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reader, Lexxiylove +, writes (4 December 2010):
Lexxiylove is verified as being by the original poster of the question I know what you're saying and we've both agreed on that may times. We are just falling apart because of distant, and i know we don't want it. But that's all it's becoming anymore. He's one of the best people in my life and i don't want to loose him because i can't see him. Which in that case, i blame myself and i know i honestly shouldn't, but i do. But i know if i was down there, he'd always be busy either way. Sometimes i feel like I'm in the way because he is always busy with this or that, and I'm never busy. This is my first long distance relationship, and i don't want to give up. But Lately i've been thinking that's the only thing i can do. Do you agree?
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (4 December 2010):
Hi there. How did you first meet him?
Did you ever live in the same town? Or has it always been long distance?
The reason you are having some problems, is because you can't see each other the way you'd like to.
Long distance relationships, mostly only communicate by internet chatting. One of you types a message, then you have to wait for an answer. It's ok if you are both on the net at the same time, but when you aren't, then it's frustrating for the other person - so they get a bit angry.
After a while you can run out of things to talk about, so it can become boring. Also a message might be sent, but the receiver might not be able to answer it for 2-3 days. Is this what happened to you?
The internet is great, but because people can often abbreviate what they say, there is room for misunderstandings. Also, you can't tell what mood the sender was in at the time they sent the message.
Apart from chatting on the internet, you both have your own lives outside of that. It's not like you are sitting at the internet all day. There are other things you both have to do, school, sport, social lives.
Long distance relationships are a challenge at the best of times, but when you can't actually see each other, it does become tedious. There needs to be more. After a while, it's like you are both sending messages out of obligation, because it's expected of you.
No matter how much you like each other, it's very hard for LDR's to survive for too long. Especially if there's no chance of seeing each soon.
For any relationship to survive and flourish, you need to be able to see each other at least once or twice a week and this is what you both miss.
- Can't see each other's face.
- Can't look into each other's eyes.
- Can't hear each other's voice.
- Can't hold each other in your arms.
- Can't go out together to nice places and have fun.
- Can't just sit quietly in the same room and be comfortable in each other's company.
There's so many things you simply can't do at all.
If you do decide to go down to see him in early January, there's a chance to make up for lost time and see how things go.
He is probably getting on with his own life, and because you aren't seeing each other at the moment, your relationship has become just a friendship, and in some ways may be not much different to what he has with his male friends. It's probably not intentional that you feel hurt. It's the consequences of the situation you are both in - because you can't see each other and be with each other. That's probably why it's happened.
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