A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i feel like two very different people sometimes. one is quite twisted and the other is content and happy with life. at parts i take a random change that cud hapn instantly. where im happy one minute and the nxt im not. like one minute im very happy with my boyfriend and the next im nt attracted to him n idnt love him n i want rid of him n think i shud b with sumone else.last night i had a strange dream. i was running around an industrial estate in a group of ppl. there were other men chasing us tryn to capture us and kill us. several of them got cot and dyd. i felt responcible for the safty of these ppl of sorts. that i had a plan and a higher understanding of things. i was separated from the group and ended up outside hiding at the side of a building in the shadow. and i wondered what the point of all this was? everyone was going to be cot and killed anyway. and i took a gun to my head. i had a seconds thot that there were stil other ppl out there n i shud help them. bt i very almost instantly disreguarded it and pulled the trigger. at that point just before i did it, i felt like id came outof that body to witness my death like a shadow where wen i pult the trigger the gun shot and my head became detached. n my 'spirit' passed into another 'player' ( it seemd like a game, like if ur playing as a party and a member is killed u become in control of another member of ur party). it felt good to be released. i looked bak at myself and thot that was a shame and a bit pointless. i shudnt have killed myself. and i walked away n i woke up.i c this quite like myself. one side fighting the other.im mostly happy with myself but i get so angry wen i start becoming detached from things i enjoy like my boyfriend. i dnt cope very well with stress either. i fight agenst it to an extent bt i end up givng in if it wasnt for other ppl helping me. iv been feeling really pressured with my job at the moment. im nt getting enough money in that i need. my job isnt paying me wot i shud b getting and sending me home before i finish my shift to makesure they dnt need to pay me a whole days wage. iv felt reli upset about it and trying to find jobs other places. even a job i reli want but i havent heard bak from any of them and i feel quite trapped.i dnt no how to get rid of my anxieties or stop my darker self coming over me. i get such negitive thoughts in my head and find it hard to snap out. it usually leaves me aftr a day, no more than two days.bt it reli aggrivates me at the time. it brings out horrible feelings like jeleousy, and not trusting my boyfriend and suspicion and hate and anger and i eventually end up crying. and i then dnt understand wot it is im crying for. becoz there actually isnt anything wrong in my life. i only think there is bcoz this thing has a hold of me at the time. sorry this is such a long post.
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male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (19 August 2007):
Maybe you're bipolar. See a professional and get help. Sounds like maybe your dreams are trying to tell you something, and your interpretations could be right. Just whatever you do, please promise me you won't buy a "Dream Interpretation" book. Those things are absolute crap because symbols often mean different things to different people.
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