A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I want to move on helllllllllp!I am a single mum of three girls. A set of young twins and a four year old with special needs. I am finding it tough caring for the children and am still trying to move on from my ex. We split up last year as he cheated on me. I really want to be with him but cant as I know that he doesnt love me and I dont trust him. He says he has love for me. He found it difficult caring for the children and felt as though he needed his time to find out who he is and what he wanted. I want to move on from him but fear that this is impossible due to the ages and circumstances with my children. I dont know where to go to find a date and I am not getting noticed by any males no matter how well I dress and even when I go out. Last week I slept with my ex (had no male attention since the break up). He says he wants to end up with me and says he wants to take me out to dinner after his next pay. Since we slept together I have texed him to say that I missed him and our family and he now hasnt replied to me. I wonder if I have pushed him further away. I dont want him to think of me as needy although I know I am. I feel horny and alone and have spent time healing but am so restricted in what I can do that I just feel trapped like if he doesnt want me then no one will (at least while the kids are small anyway). I dont know if it is worth trying to win him back or how to get a date. I know you will all say focus on the kids and on moving on BUT I have seriously tried that. With valentines coming up I cant help but think of him again and all the fun we could be having sexually, emotionally and as a family. I just feel like after looking after the kids 24/7 it would be nice to have someone look after me. No family around to support me.
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female
reader, Arcada +, writes (1 February 2008):
I feel for you and I am in a similar situation. Your ex is acting selfishly.... what about you! The thing is he knows you are not going anywhere for a while, having all the children to look after. He can have his fun and pick up where he left off if he feels like it. Dont let him! If you really want him back then its better you find out that now rather than later. Stop sleeping with him and tell him you want yo move on. Stick to your guns, be nice but firm. He will either come running back or you will know if its over for good. You never know you might not even want him back by then!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008): Thank you for your comments. It is just sooo hard. I dont have any family here and he has loads of family. I only get support from homestart as my daughter is wheelchair bound and the twins are in a twin buggy. I just feel as though I have lost all self respect and feel so betrayed that he has abandoned me and our children. He was my first love and I just want to be a family again and life was sweeter in that circle. At least then we would go out together and there were people to help with the children. He only sees them twice a month as he says he needs time for himself. Typing this now makes me realise how mad I actually am with myself and him. Everything has been ruined for me. I really want to stay positive I just feel so bored and trapped to do anything about it. I just dream of him every night and long to have my family back. It is just me, my kids and the four walls. I love them dearly I really do but just cant hep but think is this it! I am going to actively try to stop sleeping with him though. I know that this is what I have to do!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): I wish i could wave a magic wand and make everything be ok for you, but this is the real world. I do understand how you feel, on one hand you have the kids and on the other you have your own real needs. But please dont keep sleeping with him. You will go through these hard and often impossible times but you will come through them a better person if only you stop going back to him and letting him back into your life and letting him walk all over you. He says he loved you in the past, sometimes that just cannot be rekindled. You slept with him so what. You say you dont trust him and he has slept with someone else in the past. Why do you want to hang onto this misery. I would rather be on my own than to put myself through this heartache. Come on be strong and show some strength. Show your kids how to go on through life. Stop having him back, make that stop right now. He hasnt got in touch, good riddance. I promise you, you will go through these doldrums when you crave any male attention, just be strong and dont have him in your bed. someone else will come along when you are least expecting them to, but you wont meet your new future bloke with this pig hovering in the background. Get rid.
take care
x
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A
female
reader, speedcat  +, writes (28 January 2008):
Wow I'm so sorry!!! I also find it hard to be alone (my mans in the army)! but you need to go out, have fun... find a sitter and go out with friends. Keep busy or start a new class,college course. A good man is hard to find! But, you shouldn't feel like you deserve less. You need to show men you have self confidence, if you dont feel good about yourself than who will? Dont let him walk all over you! You are setting a life long habit! A man will only do what you allow him to, remember that. Valentines, yeah it does suck to spend it alone I will be doing that also, so I feel your pain. You need to work on yourself spoil yourself, and try to feel good about yourself, you must be a good person to care for your children one of which is handicapped. that is not easy. If you need a friend I'm here, and stay strong,,
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