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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been in a serious relationship for 4 and 1/2 years, but i am thinking of ending it because there seems to be no commitment from his end, and no talk of the future. I am 34 and he is 42. We have 4 kids between us. I would like to have more kids but he has had a vasectomy. I am so torn up. I don't want to lose him. He really is the love of my life, but am i just passing time and putting off the inevitable? Please help and fast, i really need it. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (15 August 2006):
 The chances of a man proposing after two years of dating is extremely slim.
Statistically men propose in the first two years, after that they have become comfortable in the relationship as is. Statistically a proposal will not happen after two years as long as the relationship is left as is.
You have the choice of leaving the relationship as is or decide you want more and leave. He might wake up and propose but you might lose him also, it is your choice to make.
A
female
reader, Serene Katy +, writes (14 August 2006):
 Hi Anonymous
Have you tried talking to him? You say no talk of the future, what does he do if you bring it up? Or have you brought the subject up at all.
Ask yourself this: If he's getting everything as he wants it now, without commiting or discussing it, why on earth would he commit?
After 4 1/2 years, it really is time for open communication. His vasectomy is another issue, when he had it done (during his time with you?) if he discussed it with you, or was it just a unilateral decision?
You have a few years to decide whether or not you want another child. Keep in mind you could have all you want with someone else. Your relationship with this man has reached a place where it is not progressing. At this point, it would be normal for commitment, or at least you both to have a clear idea of where the whole thing is going. You don't seem to know. You don't seem to be in on the decision making here, this is a bit worrying. Your time is precious, you won't get these years again.
It is difficult for you to remain content in a relationship which is not maturing as you would wish.
This is your relationship too, time to have that discussion. Make your informed choices then.
Good luck
Katie
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