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If he wants a 'friendship' then why does he kiss me on the lips? Is he playing mind games?

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Question - (23 September 2008) 4 Answers - (Newest, 26 November 2008)
A female Ireland age 30-35, anonymous writes:

my best guy mate recently told me he fancied me in the past but now he "doesn't want to tempt the friendship as he loves me too much"-it took me months to tell him how I feel..

The day after i told him how I felt he kissed an older woman (I was standing right beside him-she was 47 and he is 21!) ..after he kissed her he came over to me and he would always put his arm around me. I looked at him with hate and hurt and said "I cant believe you would do that to me-after me telling you how I felt!"- and he said she meant nothing to him and that I mean everything to him+he would never wanna fight with me.. :( then he kissed me on the lips (I mean surely if he wants a 'friendship' then kissing on the lips+asking to hold my hand 'properly' is really confusing signals for me.. as I am still trying to get over my feelings for him- It took me months to tell him how I felt in the first place)

I never thought I would develop feelings for him and I don't think he deserves me in a way- I just can't understand why he wouldn't want to give it a try..

... After the kissing the older woman incident I thought we would be awkward forever- but I bumped into him yesterday (yes it was awkward) and he seemed a bit nervous- but once I started talking normally he did too..but I still feel really hurt that he didn't understand why his actions are upsetting me. It's like he is playing mind games-one minutes hes saying he doesnt want to "tempt the friendship coz he loves me too much" and the next he is too touchy feely and trying to kiss/hold my hand etc or upsetting me..

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A female reader, nicole90 United States +, writes (26 November 2008):

nicole90 agony auntI am in this same situation. It seems guys like to play with girls almost as much as we like to play with them. My "friend" will tell me he wants to be with me, then the next second bring up jokeingly how he has a girlfriend. Guys are also afraid of commitment and will do things to make sure there is someone always there for them but still want the thrill of the chase.

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A female reader, birdynumnums Canada +, writes (24 September 2008):

birdynumnums agony auntGood for you, dear. It's not worth it to try to second guess his emotional state, and actions always speak louder than words.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

do you think it could be that he is denying his feelings for me for some reason?

maybe he got hurt in the past? i text him today and he replied really bluntly :( ur def right..last time i am contacting him.x

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A female reader, birdynumnums Canada +, writes (23 September 2008):

birdynumnums agony auntWell, now that he knows that you have feelings for him, he is nervous and You appear to be chasing after him. If I were you, I would cool my heels with the whole friendship and let him sweat for a bit. Instead of trying to be both his friend and his girlfriend, right now you should be "Totally Unavailable". Figure out lots and lots of very important things to do with your time, and then Do It. "Do you want to hang out?" "No, I have a date." or "I am going out clubbing with my girlfriends.". Let him figure out that even though you were his best friend, you are also very much an available women, who can date other guys. He needs some alone time to decide whether or not he misses you enough to take it to the next level. Don't go running back or give up your time freely, or the whole situation will continue to remain the same. Keep being unavailable until he asks you out properly on a date. If this never happens, then You have a hard decision. You will have to figure out if you are willing to be "Friends Only" with him or not.

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