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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm So Confused!!I'm 26 and I've had a few serious relationships. I'm no stranger to dating. But I don't understand why most of the guys I'm interested in only seem to be interested in having sex. I would like to be appreciated for more than just a roll in the hay. I'm a good conversationalist, I dance, cook, play sports, and I'm witty and alluring (I think). But it always very quickly progresses to him being about the sex, and then I'm turned off. Why is this, and what can I do to attract more like minded guys?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sden20 +, writes (17 October 2005):
simple,don't sleep with them for at least a month,if they're still around then they're interested in you. there are girls that men sleep with and girls they take home to mama.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2005): To attract the right guy, just keep what you are doing and hold out for the one you truely love, and make sure he feels the same for you. You’ve obviously already figured out that some men date just to get the final prize...sex- making you feel generally discouraged with the whole male population out there. I am proud of you hun..you have self-respect and you uphold value in yourself, so I can't blame for feeling turned off, because you don't want to jump into bed with a guy way too fast and not allow him to get to know you, for the real wonderful person you are inside. Stick to your values, hun.
Be proud that you are selective. When beginning a new relationship, no matter how physically attracted you are to a guy...you need to take time to develop the emotional connection with this man based on friendship, trust, openness, safety, consistency and true caring..before bedding him. This can take several months and if you're worth it to him-he'll wait. Keep looking for areas of compatibility and character traits you want, in a guy. While physical appearance, is great-that isn't the end all to watch for. His emotional style should take priority-his attitude towards relationships and affection, his ability to express feelings, his respect for others, especially women and very importantly, his moral views and ideals. I think you know all this, already.
The truth is, I wish more people were as choosy. There would be fewer divorces and dysfunctional relationships. So don’t let yourself be pressured anyone to ever compromise what you know in your heart is important. Remember, your soul mate is waiting for you out there. He doesn’t want you to give up looking before you find him. And when you find him, I know it will have been worth the wait, and you won’t care how long it took.
Hugs, Irish
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (17 October 2005):
 The thing about men is this; it's always about sex for them unless you make it about something else. If you meet a guy in a club and make it clear you want sex that night, that's what he'll want from you and nothing more. However, if you meet guys and play 'hard-to-get', making them work to get your attention, you'll find they're much more interested in the real you and are soon begging at your feet!
Make sure you put across the right impression: you're not easy, not after a one night stand. Make sure they know your a decent girl who wants a real relationship and if they stick around, they are interested in more than jumpin into bed with you and leggin it. Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, FlowerFaerie +, writes (17 October 2005):
I'm afraid that if you are only giving these guys what you think they want (i.e sex), then that is all you will get. Respect yourself more, and be patient! If a guy scarpers before you hit the sack then it wasn't worth it in the first place. Give them the opportunity to learn of your qualities that don't involve the bedroom, and when you know he is still interested in you as a person and not just as a notch in the bedpost, then the sex will be even better appreciated by you both!xSx
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