A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, how do you keep affection in a marriage alive? I feel like the flame has died down after 20 years. We still have a very above average sex life--but it is just sex/lust. Sometimes, I feel lonely because I feel no romantic connection. I some times crave that and it worries me that I have been seeking that sort of attn. elsewhere. . . My husband is very affectionate with our kids--just wish he'd be that way with me. Why do guys equate sex with romance?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Tante Victorie & Auntie Em, I just sent him a flirty text since he is away on business after a busy family weekend. We'll see what happens--Yes I do agree re: men and being clueless about romance. I was just worrying me a little that I was actually intrigued by other men's attention. I think m both men and women do enjoy the chase--problem is how to create it when you've been together for twenty years!
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (4 December 2010):
 I swear blokes are like blind rhinocerous where romance is concerned. You may have to get your feminine tool kit out and begin reigniting that flame...sulking that you arn't getting the romance you want won't help, it's time to get all loving diva with him. There is no rule that only men can bring the romance, so this is my suggestion:
Send kids for a sleepover at grampies/friends house.
Fill the house with romantic candles and soft sweet music.
Make yourself look fabulous and don't forget the perfume.
A simple dinner for two.
A lot of eye contact...and some passionate enticement to the bedroom.
Do it on a weekend where you can lay in the next morning.
Tell your husband how much you love and appreciate him, tell him he's a fantastic dad and you are so glad you had children with him...you have to beguile him and show him the love. DO NOT get all up in his face to reciprocate his feelings, just let the romance sink in to him...and I am sure you will see a difference.
As for equating sex with romance...well when the blood gets down there...it's all hell letting loose so men tend to get lost in the moment. You need to lead him and show him how nice it can be when you make an effort...he just needs to be shown the way...possibly several times...but it will be worth it.
Best of luck and heres hoping he catches on :-) xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): I think lots of people do, not just guys. I wonder if you two having been setting time aside for "couple time" still... I think it important for a married couple to still consider themselves sweethearts... to still go on dates, still make the little efforts they did when they were boyfriend and girlfriend... go out on dates! Or stay in. If nights of passion are begun that way, perhaps you would feel you're getting in the less physical sides of intimacy that are lacking when you connect through sex alone.
-T.V.
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