A
female
age
41-50,
*eilamorena
writes:I was in a 2 year relationship with a man that i really loved and still loved- we broke up around this time last year because i decided to take a career opporunity in a different country for a year. I really wanted to stay together- one decision really had nothing to do with the other in my eyes. I asked him did he feel like i was the one for him, did he want to marry me, cause if so we could stay together through my work abroad. But he feels like i gave him an ultimatum- maybe i did. In the end he chose to break up, and i went abroad. We continued to talk through emails, etc, and when i found out i could come back after 6 months i saw him again. We ended up having sex, and i stayed over his place, and he told me that he still loved me, and really could see a future with me, but didnt want a serious relationship. He saying he doesnt want a serious relationship with anyone, but if he does im the only woman he can consider. His logic is- that he felt i left him. Hes even admitted that logically he knows this isnt true. But he feels i left him, and he feels like the next relationahip he will get into will be the woman he marries. He has told me straight out that im not the woman he wants to marry now- but that might change. Hes told me that he doesnt want a relationship- yet he tells me he loves me and would be very hurt if i stopped talking to him, stop seeing him. Hes admitted that hes confused, and dealing with his own pride issues. My question is- did i do anything wrong? Was i supposed to give him that ultimatum of being with me or not? I love him, and i honestly feel like he is the an i want to marry- but now im just confused about where i should go from here.
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female
reader, tsurugi-ijin  +, writes (23 March 2008):
 It was a Hard choice for him to make at the time and may be the reason hes being a bit.. flakey at the moment.He is however taking liberties, hes making you too loving one another into you too being F*** buddies (sorry for crude term) If he did love you then he shouldnt mind being your boyfriend, if you too are being exlusive to one another anyway it wont make a diffence.In exchange for him becoming your boyfriend say you wont make any more life changing settlements like you did before, dont ask him to choose between marrige and you leaving, thats a huge amount of pressure to put on someone.Please write an update when you know for sure what the next step is.All the best, Jin
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