A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:For a little bit of background, I'm a college bound girl. School is very important to me, and I've been looking forward to going to college and then moving on to life for as long as I can remember. My boyfriend and I have been together for a bit, about 5 months, and we've had really good times. He's definitely the best boyfriend I've ever had in every regard, and he treats me really well. The problem is that he isn't driven like I am. He has a reading disability, so school isn't his thing. That wouldn't matter to me, except he hasn't really tried to do anything else. He Doesn't take trade classes, he's forgetful, and he'll sleep til two in the afternoon if you let him. I've tried to inspire him and support him (he's an incredible artist and could absolutely go to college for that) but he just tells me I don't understand. He's right. I don't understand how a person can stand by at a time when life is supposed to be taking off. It's really hard being who I am watching a person I really care about just kind of flounder and float, but I really, truly care about him. Should I end it or not? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers. I'm still struggling with what to do but I very much appreciate your advice and perspectives :)
A
female
reader, Shelley Harris  +, writes (8 February 2011):
 Hi,
You sound like a really supportive person, well done for that, I'm wondering if your boyfriend would really like to get into life but does not because of low self esteem and confidence. My husband was the same way, he was shy and didn't think a great deal of himself, he was talented but ignored or didn't believe when I praised him. He didn't change and I left because he was holding me back. I suggest before you end the relationship you find out really what's making him 'tick' or in this case not. I'm sure when he is confident and has a belief in himself, nothing will stop him and he will be very successful. If he doesn't want to change then I would go and do what you need to on your own, because otherwise staying with him you will end up resenting him and your relationship will not last. The other alternative might be that you have matured a bit faster than him and he feels he has plenty of time to get out into the world. You are both young and have plenty of time to be successful.
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (8 February 2011):
Some people grow out of it; some don't. A lot of men are not very driven during High School. Let's face it; you're taking a load of classes you don't want to take or aren't interested in. Once you're in college, however, you choose your schedule. You take the classes that fit into what you want to do and you're much more able to pursue you likes and avoid your dislikes. College is the "eye opener" for most guys, where women tend to take more importance in their future much earlier on.
But as I said, some men don't grow out of it at all. Some are simply unmotivated and need that "push." What do his parents think? Would they support his decision to go/not go to college either way? Would they make him enroll? Do his parents pay for almost everything he does, which allows him to be lazy? Or will he need to be on his own after high school?
Still, college isn't for everyone. Some can make it on their own and be very successful without a college degree. Yes, the chances are slim and you have to be willing to put a lot of time into your passions, but it can still happen.
I understand your concern in not wanting to waste time with him, but honestly, he'll wake up at some point. Its just a matter of when and what he wants to do when it happens.
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