A
female
age
36-40,
*weety22
writes:im 20 and my boyfriend is 19. its embarrassing but i never thought i'd find someone to be close to and i love him deeply. i never thought about sex because i thought no-one would ever like me and now that i'm with my boyfriend i've realized it scares me a lot. i don't like sex but i want to please him i have NO idea what to do. what is a safe bet? i want to concentrate on him but i need some direction on what to do/ how to do it? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Bigwan Peret Yaki  +, writes (13 November 2008):
you should be close to him and show him the love he needs and don't do any thing to hurt him. just try you possible best and give him you time and let him feel you whenever he need you.
A
female
reader, sweety22 +, writes (11 July 2008):
sweety22 is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks guys, i wasn't expecting such nice answers. i may have made my boyfriend sound bad in that but he's not he wants me to enjoy it and i know i should but i cant and its not his fault so i dont want him to miss out because of me. i get what you're saying about sex being about sharing a special moment with someone, it has taken a while but at times i love being close to him. he doesn't see it that way though its just the physical act and what you give to each other not what you share (if that makes any sense?) i want to be able to be with him. i have huge issues with my body but he accepts me so i should be ok and i've realised that i dont realy like people being near me no matter how i look so i dont know. i tried the book thing but even reading about it freaks me out(pathetic i know) maybe no pictures would be useful though yeah. its hard to talk about i guess, it should be sooo simple it is just doesnt feel that way i guess. and dont worry we wont forget the condom. anyway thanks for the help i'll work on it
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008): First of all, if you are scared of sex you need to speak to your doctor and get a referral to some counselling. Sex shouldn't be scary, or upsetting or painful. Also, take things slowly with your boyfriend. Don't rush into doing this to please him or because you think this is what he wants/needs.
Secondly, doing everything to please him when you say you don't like it will not automatically mean he'll have a fantastic time. A good, sensitive and gentle guy will want sex to be something that is pleasurable to BOTH of you. Part of one persons enjoyment of making love is seeing and feeling the pleasure that the other person is getting from it too. Making love is not about sacrificing your own feelings and doing a duty for someone you love, it's about sharing a very special moment between two people, each gaining satisfaction not just from the physical act but from pleasure that you are able to give *to each other*.
Please, please PLEASE seek some help for this (even if you are highly embarrassed - the doctors will have heard it all before, I promise you) and don't let sex be something that you endure for the sake of someone else. I don't know whether your feelings are down to someone hurting you when you were younger or someone raising you to think of sex as a terrible duty to be endured by a woman (and I've heard of that one being taught to young women before), but you do need to get some help, and soon.
Good luck and I hope you are able to enjoy making love in the fullest sense one day soon. Oh yes, and if you *do* decide to try lovemaking with your young man make sure you use a condom!
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (11 July 2008):
 Let your boyfriend take the lead. In my opinion, you are very young to be saying that you "don't like sex" - which can and should be one of the greatest gifts of life - but yours may be a good attitude at this point. You are of legal age, however, and if your boyfriend is indicating a desire for some sexual intimacy, then you can begin by simply fondling his privates. That turns most any man on - and a bit of gentle "stroking" will likely result in his satisfaction. It's a start.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008): Try reading a sex manual. Nina Hartley's "Guide to Total Sex" is good because it's very down to earth and relaxing, plus doesn't have embarrassing pictures. You're bound to learn at least a few good tips, plus the chapters on masturbation and pleasing women will be helpful to increasing your enjoyment of sex.
One of the greatest ways to please men in bed is to enjoy sex yourself! If you don't know how, you're both missing out!
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