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female
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*rianrhod
writes: A few months ago, I asked a few questions here about this boy I liked, for instance, how I should go about telling him I liked him and then asking what he meant when I was rejected. Well, the fleeting teenage hormones passed, and we are now friends. The problem is, over the summer, I have learned a lot about him and his life. He and his mother have bounced around in his life, they have never really stayed in one place very long, and now his mother is off on an adventure out of the city and she has left him with his step-father for God knows how long.I have been thinking about his situation for a while now, and today I confronted him. Sometimes he can be a perfectly logical adult and pleasant to be around, but other times he doesn’t know when to stop pushing it. I asked him if the reason he was such an a** hole sometimes was if he was afraid of getting attached to me and our other friend, and this friendship thing, and if he purposely acted stupid to push us away. I asked if he tried to keep us at arms length because he thought that they weren’t done bouncing, and if he thought that that would make it less painful to say “goodbye.” After a little coaxing, he admitted that to be true.He said that he would prefer detachment, and non-feeling. I know that even if he has convinced himself of that, he is a fire sign and a human being, and that he would be happier having something in his life, even if it was fleeting, but I don’t know how to convince him of this. I know that feeling, and it sucks, and my motherly instincts for my friends won’t allow me to just sit by and let him think that this life is worth nothing. I need help. I have limited experience in this matter. I can make him admit his fears, but I do not know how to get him to release them. Does anyone have any suggestions?PS- If your answer is going to be to tell me that I can’t change people, you are wasting your precious time, because you won’t be saying anything that I won’t know or will listen to. If you could tell me how I can help him by being his friend or suggest someone he could talk to if it can’t be me I would appreciate it. I just want to be there for him. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2006): I don't think we are on here to teach you how to manipulate this boy's feelings and pressure him or force him against his wishes.
I say respect what he has to say and why, even if you don't fully understand it as you are coming across very self motivated.
If he is in fact your friend, act like it.
Being there for him is a part of letting things be how they are...let them evolve at his pace.
He may just not want a relationship of any kind except friendship.
I think suggesting if he would see a counsellor and that you would support him is a good start.
Tell him that you have a concern for him and that you think he needs someone he can trust and relate to so he doesn't have to feel alone.
If he gets mad or defensive just tell him it is a suggestion as you just want him to be happy and that counselling could help him.
Then let it be.
good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2006): all you can do is be his friend, he might get attatched to you and stop this behaviour, he will find out that you are a friend and you will always be, he might be scared at the minute, but give him chance and time, everybody needs a chance
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