A
female
age
30-35,
*rishara
writes:Hi my BF and I have been together for 2 years and just a few months back we are having lots of conflicts and resentment.Most of the resentment I have, I assumed is caused by my dependence on him. I havent been dependent on him from the start, it just went BOOM. Suddenly I realised I have been very dependent on him these few months. Causes are because I have a schedule in school which gives me lots and lots of free time. Almost like only 4 hours a day. But yet the exams are important so I didnt want to distract myself with a job. So financial wise i am dependent on him too.I am very emotional tired now and I wanted to figure out where the relationship is heading and what went wrong. And I wanted to gain my emotional independence so I wouldnt be too demanding and controlling in any ways.And so I suggested a time-out for two months. He begged me not to but I was very firm about it. But yet right now, its only been a week and i cant stop thinking about him! I hate it when I feel vulnerable about missing him greatly. I dont know, is this love or just pure dependency? Should I cancel the time out or get on with it? Is this dependence because of boredom or loneliness? If not, how should I not think about him? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, betty_black  +, writes (15 July 2009):
 Whats happened here is you've fallen out of love with him and been with him through habit, which is wrong wrong wrong and no relationship should be like that, well it isn't a relationship anyway. You've done right to take a break, i would advice you make that break permanent, you dont wanna be with someone because you feel you need to be with them, you should be with them because you want to be with them. You only miss him because your breaking away from that habit, like an addiction i guess. I reckon that as soon as another guy takes your interest you'll snap him up.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (15 July 2009):
When you're in a serious relationship with someone, of course you're going to be comfortable with him and used to seeing and talking to him on a regular basis. I think it's a combination of you loving him and being used to his company.
I think you should do what you feel is best. But, rather than nothing for 2-months (because you basically decided to break up for 2-months), is try and maintain your independence while still having a relationship. It seems like you think it's all or nothing, but maybe take another week or two to figure out how you want to maintain a relationshp, while still being focused on your own goals. I know that it's hard when you're trying to focus on your academics and try to maintain a relationship.
It's good to know that you see that you were being too dependent on him and that it was causing a strain on your relationship. Try to find the balance that you need to do what you need to do, and not be dependent on him.
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