A
male
age
41-50,
*amsagesmith
writes:I am married with a kid and I try my best to be happy with my wife but I can't. I am so happy with my kid and is the only reason of happiness and is one of the reason I want to continue with my miserable marriage. I am sexual and loving person and I am married to someone I no longer connect with, whether it be attraction or communication. She is a nice person and I don't want to hurt her or effect my kids life but each day I continue, I am dieing inside. I am craving to connect with someone with whom I can communicate and laugh with but I shut myself, as if my life is over! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2016): Work on communicating and connecting with your wife. That is first. Have an open and honest discussion with her. Tell her what you are thinking and feeling. You owe her this. Give her a chance to listen. To be aware and to be able to work with you as a couple to make changes which will better and strengthen your relationship. This may involve some couple time away from real life and your child.Failing this, you need to leave your marriage if all else fails and you truly feel in your heart, this marriage would be a life sentence. Your child will adapt and cope with a new normal, trust me. Happens everyday. You cannot continue living a lie in which you feel dead inside. It would only bring you more misery as the years go by and you are still living in denial. Eventually, somebody is going to come along with whom you feel a spark and a connection and you will have an affair. Which will make life all the more complicated. Better to address and solve the issues now, whether it means a stronger and more fulfilling marriage or moving on and finding happiness with someone you truly want to be with... I know it's hard but it is better dealing with life honestly than having your cake and eating it. In the end, that road brings you too much stress, pain for all involved and just puts a band aid on the problem, pushing it away while it is never truly addressed or resolved.Hope this helps.Best wishes.
A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (29 June 2016):
Hello Samsagesmith,
I feel your pain good sir....But before you head down the road of divorce...Questions.
First...it takes two people to destroy a relationship or marriage.
Question...What have you done to get your marriage to the point that you have lost connection with your wife?
I am sure your wife had all the things you need to marry her in the first place. So, what have you done to make your marriage better?
Have you ever sat down and ask your wife what she needs to make your marriage better?
In a lot of cases, the wife is not the problem. The husband is...and he just blames all his misdoings on his wife...why? Because he is too lazy to fix his own issues. He wants his wife to have the magic fix it all to get him out of his depression.
Blaming someone else for your problems is easy and lazy...so is a divorce...easy and lazy. Here comes the problem. If you don't learn to fix YOU now, even if you leave her for another woman, you will end up making the same mistakes as you did before. Only then will you realize that your wife was not the issue.
Some people go through 3 and 4 marriages before they learn that they are the problem and not the wife.
You help to get your marriage to this state...so what was your part? And what did you do to fix it?
If you still plan to leave....MAKE SURE you have done everything possible to make your marriage better. Because if you leave and find out later that you were wrong...the stamp of idiot is yours and yours alone.
Make sure you have nothing for your wife to point her finger at. Make sure you have done nothing to make your marriage this bad. Because if you are looking at all of her mistakes and not at yours... then you are a fool.
Good luck.
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