A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I want my girlfriend to experience sex without a condom but she refuses?We're in our late 20s and have been dating exclusively for over 7 years. We started having sex about 2 years after dating, I'm her first. I've had multiple sex partners before her and most didn't use condoms (I'm lucky I know) One girl even famously said when I asked if she wanted me to wear a condom: "no way, just pull out if you don't want to finish inside me." she had me inside her before I even could go "good point". Again young, dumb, and lucky, fortunately unprotected sex after her was girls with the pill. Those partners and girls I know mostly talk about how "the condom goes away once I'm on BC and know the guy is trustworthy" and "it feels amazing without condoms." Most girls it seems make that decision and talk about how good it feels for them.We've talked about it, I'm clean, I've never gotten anyone pregnant and my girlfriend was on the patch for about a year and been on the pill instead for the past 4 years straight. I think sex without a condom feels better for both, guys last longer because you don't have to pull out after ejaculation without a condom, and its more spontaneous in general. Her fear isn't diseases, its pregnancy. I've even offered to get tested again in case perhaps my sexual past is what bothers her. Her extended family has a lot of surprise pregnancies so she thinks fertility is high. I've argued that it takes two to make a baby, in my teen years I even had unprotected sex without birth control and luckily never produced a baby. Also some of her family members aren't the most responsible so birth control failure rates aren't uncommon for them.I don't want to force her into it but I feel like after 7 years and her religiously taking the pill same time every day for 4 plus years means we can lose the condoms. I feel like her lack of sexual experience is part of the issue and her concern is slightly overblown...she does still get "skeeved out" by sexuality sometimes. Its not like her friends are preaching some sort of "omg you'll get pregnant if you look at his parts" most if not all ditched condoms once birth control was steadily maintained and a relationship became exclusive. One recent time we were about to do it and she was like "well you going to put it in." No condom was on yet, I could have easily "put it in" and maybe she would've realized and liked it, instead I was honest and "asked are you sure without the condom?" She didn't notice one wasn't yet on and went and got one.Any suggestions? I do love her and I'm ok with continuing the condom use but I feel like she's overly paranoid and getting misinformation about how effective the pill can be.
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condom, ejaculation, her ex, last longer, sexual past, the pill, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): Try to combine the period cycle timing with the pills. My wife never use pills. We use the natural cycle. We have two kids, both planned and never have unwanted pregnancy. If she have steady cycle, you can use it. We use condoms during the unsafe period only or I don't finish inside or put on the condom only half way.
A
female
reader, harleygirl2010 +, writes (14 January 2011):
 All i can say is be patient with her. i'm in the same boat now with my fiance. I'm an oops baby. My mom had me when she was sixteen and has preached the whole don't have sex till your married and IF you do wear a condom thing. Plus with all of my friends getting pregnant around me i'm a bit skittish of the idea. She may see that the others are getting pregnant and she doesn't want to be pregnant until she is married. That is how i am. Just be patient with her and give her time. If she thinks fertility is high in her family then she may fear that she is that 1% that the pill doesn't cover. So she may just want to play it safe. I hope this helps some.
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