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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I see my man once a week, and because of his schedule, I allow him to make that date. Only once a week.We get along very well. But I miss him and have told him. I've asked for more time together, just maybe one more night a week. However, in my asking, I did become a bit despondent, but it's out there, nothing I can do now. I never call him, ever, he calls the day or two days before he comes over. Asks me if I need anything, fixes little things around the apt. It's cute.So we're are lying down and I tell him I will miss him during the week, I than tell him, I'm feeling insecure because...tada.. "I'm falling in love with you"He was cool, held me than he said. We don't know each other that well, I want to take things slowly"I thought that was honest, admirable, responsible. But this little screaming child within or maybe a wise old woman was saying "Slower? Slower? how much slower can it possibly get" So I let it go, and in the morning, he gave me a kiss and than he came back again before he left, lay beside me and kissed me again called me his angel and than he was off to work. However, his actions are loving me, huge, but his mind is telling me to be careful of him. The bigger issue was I am feeling depleted mentally and physically. It's like he shut and locked the doors and windows. I feel now that I should leave him. I thought he was the one, and now feeling so confused that I could be wrong. But my heart just shut up, he actually called tonight to see if I wanted to see him. Which was not good, because I was the one who pushed for it, so I said, no, busy, going to visit my mother. All lies. As I sit alone in a sad stillness. But try as I might I feel so closed up, so numb, I feel the only thing I can do right for us and keep the honour and endearment that made this the best RS of my life is by letting go. So sad to walk away, I will never forget this man, he was so damned special. Maybe he is scared, I can understand that easily, but opening up to him again will be like moving mountains. No real questions, maybe just a pound of cure with anyone's words of wisdom.So tired, so very very tired..........
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk to follow up I took your advice and things are better now. I get 3 days a week and he want's even more now.That is so good. I did start texting more, sending pics and simple messages, nothing that asked for anything, just have a great day thoughts. Then he texts me back with the same great stuff. Then the phone calls began, still not many and very short, but we're talking on the phone now. Our time together is always fun and meaningful and deep to the core.He says I'm the best thing that's happened to him in a very long while, I like to hear that and I also like that he can freely say that to me. I think the clincher for him was he left for Christmas to spend time with family as I left for mine, it was a 18 day break from the RS and it seemed to effect him more than it did me, though I missed him like a lost puppy and suffered separation anxiety, he was texting me nightly with loving and passionate messages, to my total surprise and endearment. I guess I have no idea the way I can impact a man. When he came back to town he seems even closer than ever before. I guess that break was my best Christmas gift ever and I saw it like a curse. Tks for your kind attention
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSome food for thought, will take into consideration your advise, thanks for listening.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2011): Firstly i need to ask how long youve been together?Once a week is fair. For over a year my partner and I only saw each other once a week but we did live busy lives and worked different hours. anyway in between we'd talk regularly via SMS or phone so were constantly in contact.If youve been together a good while, its fair to want to spend more time with him. Are you happy with your life besides him? Because sometimes when we aren't happy with our normal life, it feels like that wk to see someone special is such a drag and they are the only thing worth being awake for. Its possible you feel this and hence look forward to seeing him more.It doesnt sound like hes doing anything wrong. He phoned you to meet up, he turns up when he promises and he treats you well. When you said you loved him, its possible he didnt feel the same way. But that doesnt mean its time to end it, he will feel the same way in his own time (hopefully).Just the tone of your question sounds like you are doing a lot of things on his terms. What is stopping you from calling him? or going to see him instead? or arranging a weekend together that you both can look forward to?Also what is stopping you from asking him straight out whether hes happy? Asking him whether he enjoys your relationship, whether theres anything he wants to change. In turn he will surely ask you what you feel about these things and you can tell him honestly how you feel. tell him that you feel you dont see each other often enough and feel that you want to see him at least once more each week or communicate more during those times you dont see him. Relationships change and its possible you need to take another step, even if its just that you will phone more often over the week.
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female
reader, bluecow  +, writes (9 December 2011):
 you asked for more contact, and when he offered you said no??? What sort of perverse reaction is that? I just dont understand your logic here. Is it that you want to be chased, rather than do the chasing?. Its ok now to do a bit of the chasing. Its healthy communication, you have needs that werent being met so you asked for them. He offered to fulfil them and you turned him down... why?How long have you been together? If its only a couple of months, then once a week is fine (its about all I can manage at the moment with 2 young kids and being a full time student). However if its been more than a year... I would be getting concerned. More concerning to me is the lack of other contact. Why dont you ring him? Why doesnt he ring you? Surely there is nothing stopping you from giving this guy a ring and asking how his day has been? Most couples who have been together for more than a few weeks would speak daily or almost daily.So you told him you loved him, and he said he doesnt know you enough yet... you know perhaps thats VERY true. You spend little time together and no time communicating the rest of the time. However since you have said that he has initiated more contact, and come back to see you for another kiss and some loving words. He may not be ready to say the L word yet but it sounds to me that he is still VERY much interested.Why should he have to be the only person in the relationship setting the pace and making all the moves? I realise you dont want to come across as suffocating, but seriously - there isnt much wrong with a chat on an evening (or even a text or email).
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