A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey Agony Aunts and Uncles,I think my friends back home have replaced me with a girl I can’t stand!I am 26, and live in a city far from my hometown (by choice). I have a job I love, some wonderful and supportive friends, and a boyfriend (who was once one of those wonderful and supportive friends!).Recently, I noticed that my good friends from my hometown haven’t been calling or emailing me as much as they usually do. I didn’t think much of it, as one is starting a new job, one is moving, and another is just kind of forgetful. Anyhow, recently, in a passing remark, one of my friends let me know that a girl who I had a falling out with 7 years ago is now dating one of my close guy friends.Long version:Friend A lived in the same city I live in now for a year when we were both grad students. We became really close. She even mentioned me in her thesis dedication. She had to move back to our hometown.Friend B is a guy I have known for years. There was some mutual crushing between us, we slept together over the summer, and kept in touch until he suddenly stopped returning my calls. He apologized, saying it was nothing personal, but I decided at that point the best I could do was repair the friendship, and move on romantically. I’ve kept in touch through email.Unfriend C is a girl who I grew up with, who is still friends with Friend A. We had a falling out 7 years ago when she made nasty, and untrue remarks about me on her webpage. I told her to remove them, and did not make any effort to speak to her again. Anyhow, I introduced Friend A to Friend B and his buddies before Friend B and I got involved romantically (uh, let's say sexually, perhaps that is more honest). Friend A is now in a relationship with Friend B’s roomie (aww!). Anyhow, Friend A has rekindled the friendship between Unfriend C and Friend B’s group. Friend B, after hearing that I had a new boyfriend, stopped emailing me again. He and Unfriend C are now dating. Perhaps they will be happy with one another. In the meantime, Friend A hasn’t been as friendly with me, Friend(?) B, same deal (history repeating…), and the rest of that group are being secretive.My plan of action? Well, nothing really. I am going to continue being as happy as I am here, and keep in touch with my friends back home. Maybe not as much since they don’t call back so much, but enough to let them know I haven’t cut them off.Maybe it is arrogant of me, but they are stuck in a town they all claim to hate, so why should I be angry if they look so happy hanging out?My question?Any advice on how to handle this? Am I way off the mark? Is my decision the result of pride, or common sense?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question"As far as it bothering you that these people are happy and getting along just fine without you,,,, well, what are they supposed to do??"Ooops, maybe my actual question was a bit unclear.I was asking if it was a good decision *not* to be angry, to understand that in a small place circles will overlap, and to continue my life as it is.AKA"I am going to continue being as happy as I am here, and keep in touch with my friends back home. Maybe not as much since they don’t call back so much, but enough to let them know I haven’t cut them off."That said, we do seem to be on the same page(more or less).Thanks for the input.
A
male
reader, The old Man?  +, writes (3 February 2009):
 Pride.
Let it go. If it bothers you that someone you had sex with but admittedly wasn't "romantically" involved with, is now involved with someone that you don't like, yet you are now involved with someone else. I appears as though you still have some underlying feelings for the person you had sex with. If this is the case, you need to deal with those feelings. If it was just sex, leave it there!
The guy you had sex with stopped e mailing you when he learned that you had a boyfriend. In my eyes, he is showing respect to your new boyfriend. Think not? Look at the posts from people who are troubled that their mate is still keeping contact with an ex.
As far as it bothering you that these people are happy and getting along just fine without you,,,, well, what are they supposed to do??
I'd say it's a pride thing. when you left, their lives didn't end.
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