A
male
age
36-40,
*roubledinlove33
writes:hey guys.. i have a problem.. finally i have met someone after being in love with my ex for years, but the problem is ive only known this girl a month but we have strong feelings for eachother, but she met me really soon after she split up with her ex, and she keeps getting confused what she wants, her ex was horrible to her, but because he keeps pestering her and wont leave her alone its getting her confused, what is the best advice you have for me to do in this situation.thankyou
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male
reader, troubledinlove33 +, writes (17 January 2011):
troubledinlove33 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou all so much for your answers.. i think you are definatley right. time for me to leave them to it i guess. thanks again guys you made it alot easier for me
A
female
reader, comeonjesusthishurtstoomuch  +, writes (16 January 2011):
 Sometimes there has to be a white night to swoop in and stop the heartache. Only you know if she's worth the risk.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): Personally I'd walk away, she's on the rebound and her ex is still in the picture. It's far too soon for her.
Think of how long it took you to be ready when your ex was finally out of the picture, now remember how much harder it was when she was still in the picture. Yeah I think you get the idea.
If you want an easy life you'll walk away, because the chances of actually wooing a girl on the rebound are very slim, and pretty much impossible when the ex is still actively trying win her back.
You know from experience what her confusion is, when a person is on the rebound they get from the new guy/girl what they wish their ex could give them. You see she still loves him but she likes the way you treat her, for her perfection would be her ex but treating her like you do.
Remember she's letting him pursue her still, she can easily make him stop but she doesn't want to because her heart is still his. The worst part of this is the intensity of what you have for her, while real for you is just rebound for her. When that fades she might not actually be that into you. In fact it doesn't seem that way or she wouldn't feel confused. You see she's just not ready man. You know this and it doesn't matter how he treated her, she can't just turn off her feelings, she can't just let go of all he meant to her and he knows all her buttons too.
This will get very messy and again please remember, she wants him to win her back otherwise she'd break off all contact.
You have two options, the lads including me would say let her go. The girls will probably tell you to fight for her, to not give up, because the best guys don't give up and there is an exceptionally slim chance that she might actually go for you. You see girls on the rebound like to have a guy around to comfort them and to have options but honestly as a guy who was rebound fodder for years I say it's not worth it. I fought and failed more times than I can count and I honestly have never seen a guy successfully bag a rebound girl when the ex is still in the picture. You see even if she did break off all contact with him she actually needs time single to get over him. You don't get over one relationship by jumping straight into another. It doesn't work that way and you know it.
Your choice dude, but I say take a step back, let her sort this crap out with her ex and if she wants you she'll know. If she goes back to him then it was going to happen anyway.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 January 2011):
Just walk away my friend. This will lead to you getting hurt. Truth is, her head is still with her ex and you being around isn't making her move on. Even if she did go out with you, she would eventually dump you either for her ex, or for someone else because it would make you the rebound.
Don't waste your time on someone who's wasting yours, and who doesn't know what she wants. Go find a girl who is more secure in where she is and knows what she wants.
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A
female
reader, Grac3 +, writes (16 January 2011):
As you know yourself, it can take a while to get over the break-down of any relationship. If the ex is pestering her and won't leave her alone. She is more than likely feeling overwhelmed, this kind of pressure is a lot to deal with.
It sounds as though you like this girl very much, I think that the best thing you can do is reassure her of your feelings, let her know your concerns and then be patient, trying not to add any further pressure to the situation.
I hope that helps.
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