A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm with this girl, and I don't say girl because she's a child, but because she's immature. We have a child together. Even before the child she was immature. We also JUST moved into an apartment together. We've been together for about 2 years as well. Now that the basics are out, I want to ask... How do I get my girlfriend to do more? We moved into this apartment about 2 months ago, and she hasn't done more than empty out maybe 2 of the 10 or so boxes of her stuff(2, maybe 3 are mine). I have a tough time talking with her because it feels like I'm walking on wax paper, and the slightest tear will cause a ripple SO big; I might not see her again. She is(I believe) bipolar? I don't honestly know, I could be over exaggerating. Every time I've confronted her about anything I feel is important enough to push in a conversation she puts up a wall. I don't feel like I've asked her to do anything I wouldn't if I wasn't working. Currently our child is in her mother and step dads custody because I've been working 40+ hours a week and she can't handle taking care of him alone. The most she's done is wash dishes. I feel as if my 40+ hours a week account for nothing. I have to come home, clean house, sleep, maybe shower if I'm not to tired, then go back to work; and on a side note, I just lost my job because her mother was in the hospital and I had to take days off to take care of my son because she wouldn't. All in all, I don't want to leave her. I love her. I simply want to know if there's any way for her to understand she needs to grow up.
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female
reader, Jesc +, writes (22 September 2010):
 Forgive me if I seem rude, I will just be as honest as I can.
She does need to grow up, But there is no way you can make her or tell her otherwise. You said you try talking to her but it could led to worse if she takes it the wrong way. (That's so not healthy)
You work and clean... 40+ hours?? And you have to come home and clean. What does she do? Does she work? If she did you would have stated that. She should be cleaning the house and taking care of your child. You shouldn't have to DO everything and take care of another mouth that won't help themselves.(your girlfriend)
She is very immature.
"You lost your job cause you had to take care of a child that you already had to leave in the hands of the child's grandparents because the mother will not lift a finger?"
Please PLEASE repeat that back in your head and tell me this is what you want? This girlfriend of yours is just down right pathetic. If you do not some how change this situation, things will remain like this forever if you stay with her. Please listen to me on this. You are giving up your own child for your girlfriend. (That sounds rude and down right cruel but listen to what you just told us)
I am a young mother(Just turned 20) I have had my child since the day she was born. I was 16 years old. I grew up fast. Not for me. But for my child. I worked two jobs, came home and took care of her. As things went on I married and he stayed at home for me. BUT he cleaned, I came home to a nice house with everything taken care of. I did not have to leave my child some where else cause he could not take care of her on his own.
If your girlfriend seriously can not take care of a child she should not have had one. You need to make it clear to this thing. That if you do not change your ways you will give up everything in the world that will love you unconditionally.
That is the same to you. You need to think clearly on EVERYTHING.
I really hope for the best.
A
female
reader, Priyanka09  +, writes (22 September 2010):
 You will have to talk to her out. There is no way apart from a mature conversation with her. Tell her how you feel about things. Tell her, it hurts you to see the house in a mess or that she cant take care of their child alone. Tell her she needs to learn to do that since its their child and their responsibility. But I am surprised when you knew of her maturity level, why did you plan a child with her? Anyways whats done is done. I think an honest chat in continuous intervals might help. Even if she builds a wall, find ways to crack it up, or make holes in the wall. See how best you can confront her, but there is no other way apart from talking to her about your concerns.
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A
female
reader, sadandprego +, writes (22 September 2010):
Has she ever been diagnosed with bipolar disorder or any other kind of depression? Also how old is the baby? The reason I ask is because I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a few years ago and not only am I not on medication for it but I'm also dealing with the mood swings and what not from pregnancy. If your girl is bipolar it's possible that she can't help how she is right now. It's very difficult for someone who is bipolar to cope with the hormonal changes and/or post partum depression that comes along with a pregnancy. You need to discuss your concerns with her and see about maybe getting her some help.
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