A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend moved across country to be with me (I didn't ask him to, he made the decision on his own). We've now been living together a little under a year. I work full time and take a full load at college, so I don't get to spend as much time with him as we'd both like. Plus he doesn't have any friends out here, while I don't see much of mine because of my schedule.On the days we do get to spend together, we've been bored out of our minds because neither of us plans anything, so we end up sitting at home. I don't really mind not going out since I'm rarely home anyway and would like a day to do absolutely nothing, but he gets rather angsty; he's used to going out on the weekends with his friends back home. Most times I have no idea what to do or we simply can't afford to go out, but there are times I've tried suggesting things and he shoots my ideas down. For instance on New Year's, I suggested 3 different events to go to that might be fun, but he wasn't up for any of them.I know he's homesick and I don't like thinking he's bored all the time. I don't like thinking he regrets ever moving out here. But he doesn't really help me in making decisions about what to do with what little free time we have. What can I do to make this better? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2007): Yes, he does have a job, so it's not like he's doing absolutely nothing. He has made a couple friends at work, and I had suggested he hang out with them when I'm not home. He shoots this idea down because they have girlfriends and he doesn't want to feel like a third wheel.
We had planned to make trips back east twice, but they fell through due to lack of money. Now we have some money saved, and I suggested trying again to go out there next month while I'm on break from classes - I've requested the time off work and everything - but he's disagreeing with the days I picked. He doesn't seem to understand I can't take time off at the drop of a hat. It's frustrating me because I'm trying my damnedest to help him and he's still not happy. It's almost like he wants to be miserable...
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (18 February 2007):
 Does your boyfriend have a job? You need to sit down and talk to him, ask him if he's happy, is he homesick? Would he like to move back home again? It seems to me there is a breakdown in communication here. Try and get him to open up to you more. Does he have any hobbies? What does he like to do in his spare time?
He sounds unhappy to me and it's up to you to find out if he is for sure and if so, how to rectify it. Tell him you can see a big change and ask him if everything's okay. It might be that he does want to go home again but he just doesn't want to tell you. Whatever it is, he needs to get it out in the open as things will only go from bad to worse. Talk to him and tell him you know something's wrong!!!!
Eve
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2007): maybe you should suggest that he take a break and go home for a week or two. If he is homesick then it will give him chance to catch up with family and friends that he's missing. Then when he returns he may feel a little better, hopefully glad to see you because he has missed you!When you're homesick, it does make you feel depressed, so this is possibly why he doesn't want to go out.It's a chance you have to take, living with him as it is now, is certainly making your life a misery and you can't force him to be happy.So i would suggest this, if he's reluctant to go alone, then maybe you could go with him too!
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