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*3dogs
writes: I was talking to a girl I met through a dating website for months before meeting. I thought she was amazing. She said it was the best night she’d had in ages. Right after though, she talked to me far less, but she promised me it wasn’t because of me. It was because she was about to have an abortion. It makes sense except it’s quite a coincidence for it to suddenly affect her badly right after meeting for the first time (we’d known it was coming for some time). Ok, basically; did meeting me in person put her off me?No:Seemed to enjoy herself when we met and said lots of very nice things.Promised me the reason she stopped talking was all because of the abortionEmailed to say she isn’t ignoring meAn abortion is a big dealYes:Stopped talking so much right after we metOnly contacted me once in the last 3 weeks (it’s been 7 weeks since she had the abortion)Still having sex with other peopleShe seemed to be dealing with the abortion well until THAT pointI shouldn’t hurry her, she’s got bigger fish to fry right now, but then again maybe she’s just using it as an excuse. I’m sorry this makes me feel shallow. I do care a lot, I’m just wondering if she does (and trying to keep it short for you).Has she gone off me, she didn't seem to have at all at the time? What should I do now? Just carry on waiting?Thanks very much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2007): I've forgot my login details but this was my question, and a year on, i'll give you an update:
It turned out it really was the abortion which made everything go wrong and not me. Around a month later we became a couple and we're still together now :-)
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reader, 13dogs +, writes (31 August 2006):
13dogs is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi. Thanks for your replies. It's nice to get some advise.I've still not heard from her since and I'm bigginning to accept nothing much will come of it, despite what she was implying once. I can't phone her because she lost her phone (no she really did).I know I got too involved too quickly and I did try not to but couldn't help it. She used to tell me all about her problems and said I helped her feel better but I think she's finished feeling that way about me. By the way, the reason I didn't take her having sex with others quite as badley as you'd think, is because her past relationships have been quite open. I still think I'll hear from her at some point. Have you got any advice on how I should react? Tell her I was upset or play it cool?Thanks again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2006): When a woman has an abortion they do either one of three things. a) They experience deep feelings of regret, sadness and some women fall into depression. or they b) they experience feelings of relief that the ordeal is over and the unwanted pregnancy is no longer a concern. or c) she may be having conflicting, intermittant, confused feelings of being sad about it all but relieved. There is no right or wrong way to feel. Each to their own so it's hard for us to tell you what she was going through in regards to her abortion. From what you are saying, you have become enamoured with a female who has a lot 'on her plate'. Let's just say that if she was into you...wouldn't she be in contact with you. all the time, connecting, bonding..getting to know you better. I would think she would want your support and friendship through all this. Did you mention that she's having sex with other people? If so, what is that telling you? It sounds like you have put a lot if your heartfelt feelings into this girl, way too quickly. I really think you need to consider her just a friend and not expect a whole lot at this point. I am sorry.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2006): Wait a minute - WHO is still having sex with other people? You, or her?
If she emailed to say she was not ignoring you, she was thinking of you, but she was obviously feeling caught up in a lot of turmoil, due to just having had an abortion. It is a big deal, and bound to affect her emotionally, even though she decided to go through with it.
If you want to see her again, and clearly you do, why not give it another week or so, see if you hear from her by then, and if not, call or email and let her know you'd love to get together for lunch, or coffee. She MIGHT not be feeling physically recovered just yet, for all you know.
At any rate, you can't go wrong by giving her a friendly call to ask how she is - she'll get that you care - and see if she'd like to get together.
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