A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I used to talk to this guy a few years ago, through this dating site, but we never met yet we were really close. He once started making fun of me when we were talking and I didn't know why. So I stopped talking to him, and never contacted him again for 3 years.Until last year. I had always thought of him in the back of my mind and I wanted to see how he was. At first, it was ok, we spoke a lot, and he told me how he'd been in the army and doing loads of exciting things. He wasn't the same though at all, I guess I expected him to be the same. I asked him if he wanted to meet for a drink, he only lives 1 hour drive away, which is funny as we never met.He is who he is, but I am finding it hard as I think I made the wrong decision inviting him back into my life again, and feel stuck. He is a nice guy but I really wanted to meet him, finally (not for a relationship) just as we were so close. I feel like a part of me has gone, as it was always there.What can I do to feel better about this? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2015): Three years is a long time even though it probably feels just like yesterday to you. We tend to remember the best of people and situations that have long since passed.
His time in the military may very well have something to do with it too, and is something that I can very much relate to. My own mom once commented on how much I had changed when I came home on leave one time. Not in a negative way, but in the way that I carried myself and the way that I talked. It was just different to her. I can also tell you another common experience among veterans. The things that we do and experience over our time of service give us a unique view of the world and shape our opinions in a way that may be hard to relate to
I'll also tell you something similar to what I was told by a wise sergeant of mine after I told him how surreal it felt to go home on leave after a long time away from home overseas. I think it relates pretty well to what you are experiencing. He told me that home is not a place, but rather a place in time that you can never go back to. That was something so profound that I still remember it to this very day years later.
When you were thinking of him in the back of your mind over the years, you were remembering him has he was, in a particular place, in a particular time. Something that you can never go back to.
My advice to you is the realization that I came to. Remember the past, but live in the present. Or maybe a better way of saying it would be to remember who he was, but see him as he is. It's up to you. Are you willing to accept him as he is now?
To him, you probably seem a bit different too.
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