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I love my second cousin and need help telling my dad!

Tagged as: Dating, Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 January 2009) 1 Answers - (Newest, 15 January 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, *ove_sofia writes:

hi i would like to know what pepole think about me dating my 2ed cousen? and i also need to tell my dad but i dont know how i need help? help me!!!!!

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A male reader, NITRAM BLUE Philippines +, writes (15 January 2009):

NITRAM BLUE agony auntAll states in the United States of America, allow relationships with 2nd cousins. From a legal stand point, you won't have problems with that. However, there will be problems on family relationships and medical outcomes.

Cousin relationships, whether 1st or distant may pose problems with the blood works - inbreed offspring may result. There will be deformities – physical and mental from the first generation to the next. A descendant may have white hairs at childhood or a descendant may have cerebral palsy. The parents of my aunt were first cousins, she and one of her grandsons suffered these medical consequences of their parents.

The second cousin must be a son of the first cousin of your father. As first cousins probably they shared a lot of childhood memories and they have treated each other as family. They see themselves as cousins rather than in-laws plus cousins at the same time. Even if the US of A, allows 2nd cousins to marry each other, their family values are greater than that of the law of the land and that we should respect.

I have the same feelings like what you are feeling right now. I have a 2nd cousin, 39 years old, she had a hysterectomy a few years back and she is a bomb shell.

Heck with her hysterectomy, we can have sex 7/24 and we will not worry about any in-bred birth defects. But this reason is not justifiable.

Biblical verses justifying family marriages between Israelites, as ordered by God to keep Israel pure, is not enough for you to have sex with a relative. It belongs solely to the Israelites, and not even true for the Israelis. Therefore, such could not be a sound basis "for doing" your cousin.

My cousin and I go out frequently, we have some fun and I even slept over at her place, a few times, very remote from everyone. We sleep in the same room, she is on the bed and I slept on a mat beside her bed. With the lights out, we could have made the nights longer. But being alone with her with her physical attractiveness is not a license for me "to make love" to her.

I like her very much. No, I love her very much. But everything is platonic and sexless. Not that I wouldn't like to have sex with her. Definitely, I would and it would be fetishly erotic, wouldn't it? But I mustn't.

But of course, we have to have our sensibilities straight. Love has no boundaries but norms sets limits. Norms are observed by rational people and that separates us from the animals.

Sex for animals is for propagation of its species. Sex for us, humans, is to express love and lust but the expression must conform to the existing norms. A norm simply ask the question - is it normal?

I suffer because I have to follow a norm. It is better to suffer the pains of non expression of love than to agonize over the consequences of what a forbidden love might bring. I love my cousin more than any person I have previously known. But to have sex with her, guilt will follow - maybe it will not be mine, maybe it will be hers. I will continue to admire and love my 2nd cousin but I will prevent myself from getting to bed with her even if she tempts me.

Sex is lower than love. You can love a person and feel good all the time, afterwards, which is untrue with sex with a cousin. Love your cousin as you love a best friend, but to have carnal knowledge is something you have to avoid.

If both of you (you and your cousin) are ready to suffer any unforeseen and known consequences - gossip within your community, generations long genetic defects because of inbreeding, conflict between family members because of the acts - go ahead. Love is free.

Love is after all, something the angels fear to thread.

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