A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ive fallen for my ex teacher.I am 18 hes 27.We get along great.I told him how i feel ,and he feels same!however he is scared to take it further because of his job.its making me so angry that two people cant be together when we're both adults.He taught me last year but i have since left and am in work.Any advice?Should i leave well alone or not.. ? help!!
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male
reader, Kohjakza  +, writes (15 September 2007):
go for it, as you are now an aduly and out of the school system, the only thing holding you back is your fear,and your respect for your mans fear. you two in love can overcome any obstacle Regardless of the ramifications, Be strong together you will come out on top in the end, much hope on my part for your success, Hugs... Timmy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionit doesnt help that recently a member off staff recently got sacked for sleeping with a few students.I can see why hes messed up about it.He doesnt want that reputation,or to loose his job which hes worked hard for like the guy who just got sacked has!He thinks his job is at stake. we've both established how we feel,and i appreciate his honesty but i try and leave it alone and cant.im not pushing anything and since he said he doesnt think that we can go thru with it yet i havent mentioned it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2007): Well, we know for certain that you two are adults, so he will not get sacked for dating you. If he's worried about the ramifications, why did he allow this relationship to even get underway, in the first place. This man has given you clear signals, he's not prepared to begin a relationship with you. He seems to be giving you reasons, that aren't making sense and are not the actions of a man who is 'on the same page' as you as far as pursuing this. Usually, as intimacy and friendship increases, a couple binds closer together, leaving others behind. In the best of worlds, they make each other their best friend. This isn't occurring here. He's hedging, bigtime. Love is supposed to make us come alive, look forward to life and a future with our partners. This isn't happening here. Your frustration, your self-doubts...are caused by his lack of caring for you. All his excuses, are little polite rejections and I think you need to 'face this' rather than keep denying it. He needs to be completely honest with you and say, "either we are going to date or we are not' and be more 'definite and truthful' in his answers to you. I strongly believe, when a man truely loves a women, he will move mountains to make her a part of his life...no matter what others may think or say. He will center his love and life on her. No more confusion, dear. I think it's time to back away and move forward..and please, accept that. Face the pain of loss, recover and realize, you gave it your best shot. So rethink this relationship. Do some thinking and reassess, dear. I wish you well and keep us posted. Take care, dear.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks folks. im still so confused.I dont want to let this oppurtunity pass me by but i dont want to push it and ruin any chance i may have.He's admitted that he doesnt want people to think hes sleeping with his students and that people may think it was happening beforehand when i was a student.He asked me out for a drink a bit ago, but recently withdrew that offer and said he'd been thinking about it and altho he really likes me it could ruin his job and get him sacked. :( i can understand where he's coming from but its so stressful
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2007): I've known two relationships that have resulted in marriage that were ex students / former teachers - so I would say try it. However its no good if one of you feels this awkward. Perhaps this guy could talk to a colleague about it? Could he change jobs and then the former 'connection' between you is removed and you are free to meet as adults and individuals without this hassle. I wish you luck. Everyone has a right to happiness.
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A
female
reader, princess_sparkle  +, writes (14 September 2007):
You are obviously of age now to be dating him and also hes not your teacher anymore so he should really have nothing to worry about. If you truly care for each other you should be able to get past all this and make it work.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2007): Having been a teacher myself I can emphathise with this man.First, as a male teacher you have to condition yourself to treat the older girls in school like sisters, in other words as non sexual beings. Secondly, his colleagues will look on him as taking advantage of a young girl. This is not something a young male teacher wants in his life. Remember that he will be surrounded by plenty of female teachers in their 20's and 30's who are single and will resent him chasing a young girl. This is wrong, but its a fact of life.I can therefore understand that he is having trouble getting used to the idea , to me it shows that he is of very sound character and obviously has commendable values . It is difficult to adapt from teacher mode to lover mode. The age difference is not the problem its the teacher/student relationship that he feels is still there.At 18 you have plenty of choices, respect his decision , give it another year and if you are both still single I guarantee you at 19 years of age and with another year out of school his attitude will be vastly different.
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A
male
reader, gandalf +, writes (14 September 2007):
I cant see that theres any real problem here if you like him and he likes you- hes not your teacher anymore so I dont see the big problem if he genuinely likes you too.
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (14 September 2007):
If he's freaking out, it might be best to leave it at least for now. Although if you are not a student at the school now, he might be freaking out over nothing or just what his colleagues might say.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2007): Well I personally don't see anything wrong with it. On the contrary! I think it sounds so sexy! But if he doesn't want to you can't force him dear. He already told you no, so find another teacher.
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