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female
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anonymous
writes: I loaned a friend of mine a significant amount of money because she was in a pretty pickle. This was supposed to bail her out. However, I haven't got proof, but I know she squanderd this cash with her ex-fella instead of what it was intended for. But, it doesn't end there. She got into even more trouble and I bailed her out once again with some more cash. The problem is though, I know she's in a mess but now so am I and I could do with this money now. I feel terrible asking for it back, but not going into her problems, I believe they are self induced. I love her to bits, and think the very world of her and no amount of money would be worth us falling out over. I know I've made one of the fatalist errors of friendship by introducing 'loaning money' but for the sake of our friendship, should I just let it go and feel the cost in my own pocket. I will add, that I have a family and she doesn't and this cash lending started in the early part of this year.Thanks for your helpMe X
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'd like to thank you all, and you are all singing the same tune. I know you are all right, however, the sad thing you say is that you feel I have brought my friendship with this person....I CAN ASSURE YOU, I HAVE NO NEED WHAT-SO-EVER to buy a friendship. Due to the nature of certain info which would clarify a few situations, I am unfortunately sworn in a promise not to give this out. The thing is I can tell you though, is I am old enough to know better as I am over 40, and this person has been in a very desperate position that I myself was in. The difference was though that I was not bailed out, and for what I went through, I'm sorry, but I could not see anyone else go through that if it is within my power. I am ashamed though, you are all right, as I DO have a duty to my family. Thankyou all, and I know I cannot get the full answers, because I cannot give you all the details - it was a shot tho.
Bye-bye X
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2006): I agree with you and I think we've all been there at one point. Loaning money to friends is not a great idea. But I do have to point out, that a good friend would pay you back, promptly and they would not want to see you in a pickle either. Why don't you just ask her to pay you back. It can be done nicely, calmly, maturely . I really think you should give it a try and see what she says. I do feel it is bad manners not to repay a debt to a friend. If you are worried about your friendship with her, I am wondering why she is not giving you the same respect by showing appreciation for you and paying you back without you asking for the money? These type of agreements between friends should be respected. Why don't you sit down with her and tell her 'you need to be paid back', due to your own financial constraints. If she can't pay it all back, agree to some form of a payment plan. (so much per week? month?) Asking her for your money back, may upset her...at first. But, if she's a good, loving friend she will eventually 'see your side of it' and come to her senses and realize that money is not worth breaking up a good friendship over. All you can do is hope. I wish you luck, dear and perhaps make it a good habit...not to lend money to friends, in the future. Take care.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2006): sounds like in desperation to keep this so-called friend you paid her to be your friend with a "loan" (which by definition is only a loan if repaid). she has used you and although you seem to have an abnormally high regard suggesting you have been charmed to bits, you are aware that her behaviour is her fault and her responsibility.You should have been able to watch her fall.if not she will never learn. you may have to cut your loses. but not to save the friendship more like because she will cut you out of her world. you may learn a harsh lesson but realise that someone who uses you is simply a sponge like a greedy brat child bawling in tesco's. how may children throwing tantrums really appreciate what they get. she may not wail like a baby but she managed to manipulate money from you. you might even think it was your idea unaware of suggestion and manipulation through sympathy ploys.even if it was your idea (i'm assuming not{totally} as you sound deeply naive and easy money in a person form). You need the money and she does not. has she a drug problem. as a former speed freak myself, drug heads will twist anyones balls for money and can charm charm charm. Get your money back or be a wimp. its your choice(i want you to get what your family needs and for the balance in this case to be restored. your children need your support) GOOD LUCK
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