A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My marriage has been slowly disolving over a period of years. (work / no time for me) I told my husband in Jan that I no longer loved him. He refused to move out of the bedroom, so I did...he pretended that things were ok and would still say I love you during the day and suddenly go out of his way to do things that he should have done years ago..h/work / kids / shop etc..(husbd v controlling )due to the stress and axiety I had no alternative to move out...situation having impact on my kids. I met a guy couple of months prior to moving out...but i called this office because I coulnt emotionally cope with his needs as well as probs at home. Now I've moved out...I miss him and time to reflect and realised how much in love I am..not experienced this before. Because he was so hurt when i finished it he no longer trusts my heart ...he says he loves me but cant take risk of being hurt again.. I am so distraught and suffering with depression.(on medication) My life feels like its a complete mess...don;t want to return to my husband..ever...miss my kids dreadfully (50/50 split) have been with them since conception...he is more involved with them than he has ever been as that was my JOB! Am lost...and burst into tears all the time....can not pick myself up...am trying...see friends, counselling...am such an up vibrant person normally...this is just not me and so very very hard..please help
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (8 December 2010):
 You ever heard the saying, "To make omelettes, you got to crack some eggs." Well that's what you did. You wanted more out of life than you had, and you made the choice to make changes. Now things have changed, but you don't know what to do with your freedom. You want a great life without you actually having to do anything. You're crying about the choices you made but your the only person who can heal yourself.
You decided to leave and you knew that you would loose some time with your children. Well, you knew that and still you walked away. You won't stop missing them, but what can you do? You gonna go back so you won't miss them anymore?
It's very early days. You eventually won't miss the kids so much, and you will get used to your new life. But at the moment your comparing it to what you "used" to have and you feel that your missing out.
Your not looking at the good stuff you have. Your freedom, your independence, and the opportunity to do whatever you want to. Your life at the moment is a blank canvas, you've started everything again. What about all the things you wanted to do before you die? You ever danced on top of a table, rode a horse, joined a protest/riot, danced on a pole, smoked a hookah pipe, run a marathon for charity? You ever wrote a book, painted a nude man, watched sunrise for a high mountain? Taught a parrot to whistle, learnt to swear in Russian, wore bad clothes or painted a room 70's neon colours... (hope you get the idea)
Have you ever worked?
Tons of stuff there to keep you busy, make you a productive, interesting and useful part of society... Anti-depressants stop you from crying all the time, but only you and a lot of hard work, creativity and imagination will give you a good life.
Replacing one man with a next man, is a bad idea in my opinion. Your sick and on medication, your depressed and confused. How is your new relationship gonna be healthier than your last?
You need to write a list of things to do, and get busy. Your getting older, there's opportunities out there, if only you have the courage to grab them.
You can wait for life to make you happy or be content with what your given... Or you can grab life and make it dance to the tune that your willing to set. Go find your mojo, you deserve it baby....
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