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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi, I am 18 and dating a guy eight years older than me. And that's not necessarily the problem. The problem is MYSELF.I feel like I'm constantly looking for the approval of others in this situation. When other people bring up "age gap relationships", I get uncomfortable because I feel the need to always justify mine. I can't even tell you the number of times I've asked family, friends, and even strangers (like on here) for their advice on my situation: "Is dating someone older okay? Am I too young for him? IS this wrong?" etc.It's driving me insane. He's the greatest boyfriend I could ask for. There's not a single thing I have to complain about right now, except my own annoying thoughts. I know I have to be mature and adult-like, and part of that is accepting that there is always going to be 8 years between us. I think that for so long, it was drilled into my head that dating older men is wrong, so now I can't stop thinking about it.I shouldn't need to justify my relationship to anyone, and I shouldn't need to convince myself that he's a great guy.I don't want to ruin things or end it with him because I are about him very much and this relationship is the best I've ever been in, but at the same time I need HELP getting this nagging feeling out of the back of my mind.So, how can I be accepting of my OWN age gap relationship?
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male
reader, Prada +, writes (28 November 2006):
Well realy it all comes down to how much you love him,because if you do love him alot there should be no problem and you are right you do not need anyone to tell you that it is ok because at the end of the day it is your decision and you need to do whatever you need to do to be happy.But to be honest i say you just get over it and be with him like you want.
A
female
reader, Sorcha +, writes (23 November 2006):
Hiya pet,
I'm in a relationship now for 3 years from when i was 19. My fiance is 16 years older than me. At the start it was other people who had a problem and i recently found out that they all thought it ws a "phase" we were going through. Well we proved them wrong.
The way you're feeling...I felt like that once. I was constantly worried people were waiting for us to fail and to laugh at us cus we thought it would work. When people in the street sniggered, i got self conscious etc. The way i got over it, was by talking to my fella. He assured me that we were together because we wanted to be, and if other people were annoyed/confused about it, then let them deal with it. Cus they were the ones with problems.
I am sure you're like me, and are worried about what people are thinking. Speak to your fella about it, he will understand and will help you alot. Not all relationships work, but if you dont give it a go you will never know. One thing i found was, from dating fellas my own age, they were so immature and childish. Dating an older fella is great, he is everything you want and is on the same level as you. get back to me, if you think i could help you
S x
ps My fella is young and fit looking too;-)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2006): Hey girl, you've only got one life and if he makes you happy then so be it, you love him!! you feel good when he is with you!! and empty and alone when you are apart!! what has age got to do with these things, there will always be someone who says its wrong but they are not anything to do with your relationship.
Put your doubts away and have a happy life, I am writing from experience although the other side, I am in my fourties and have a beautiful girlfriend more than twenty years younger than me, I had doubts and both of us agreed to have space and give our relationship every oppertunity to fall apart but it's only grown stronger, I asked her whether she had doubts and she said if she ever gets them then she will tell me but at the moment she is happier than she ever believed she could be, who knows what will happen round the next corner so if you are happy with what you have right here, right now then thats all you have to ask for,
Think about it, in twenty years will eight years really be an age gap, it's a very stupid prejudice, dont let it come between you and your happiness.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2006): Anonymous - That's exactly it, he doesn't look or act old at all. When I first met him I honestly thought he was about 19 or 20. We have common interests, common lifestyles, and we just bond so well.
There's no indication that the age gap is causing a problem, except for the one in my head. He doesn't treat me badly, he doesn't treat me like I'm a baby...he is sweet and generous and funny and perfect to me. When we got together, we didn't even talk about the age difference so I guess he must have not seen it as a big deal.
I'm the problem. I don't know how to get these stupid thoughts away. I could see myself being worried if he was talking about settling down or something, but there is NO reason for me to be stressing about the age difference right now. So why am I?!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2006): I've got a friend in exactly the same situation as you, apart from she's never been worried about the age gap. She accepts it for what it is.. 2 people who love each other. And I've honestly never seen her happier! x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2006):
Hiya!
You have to think that eight year gap is not that much and girls muture more quickly than men, so this is prob a good choice for you. If he doesnt look or act old, I really dont think you have anything to worry about, and just think of that lads of your age are doing and think who you would prefer to be with. vma
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