A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear all, I am not sure why this is happening to me but I keep dreaming of my neighbour of who I fancy a lot. He is handsome and a good neighbour who is always helpful BUT has a girlfriend. We only talk as neighbours, not even as friends but my fantasies in dreams are unhealthy! Is this some kind of obsession?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2020): You have a crush OP!!!
Everyone gets crushes and finds people attractive. Even married people find other people attractive other than their spouse. It just means you have seen someone you find attractive. Your brain finds him very pleasing to look at and thus recreates him in your dreams. You have no control over your dreams. ITS JUST A DREAM!!
I have dreams of a giant spider the size of skyscrapers chasing me. It doesn’t mean that’s actually going to happen. (GOD, PLEASE NO!)
It doesn’t matter if you have the filthiest, dirtiest dreams about this man. It’s just a dream!! We have all been there.
If you are having these kind of dreams - then enjoy them.
He has a girlfriend, so as long as you don’t act on your fantasies - then your all good. Don’t take your dreams to mean you are meant to be with him because that is NOT the case. He is taken and not available to you.
Stalking him would be obsessive.
You must of had other crushes In your life before OP, surely?
Then you know how these go. This makes me think there is another reason you are asking this question? Maybe you want us to tell you that you ‘should go for it’, seeing as you keep having dreams about him???
NO!!!!
Leave this man to be with his girlfriend and you KEEP him in your fantasy life when you sleep.
Dreams are healthy and in no way harmful. Your looking for too much meaning in your dreams - that is the problem.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2020): You're fantasizing about a handsome-guy; but unless you're stalking the guy or doing everything you can to get his attention, dreams are harmless.
Obsession drives people to do things like excessive calling, blowing-up his phone with messages, showing-up unexpectedly, or following him around. If all you do is dream, that's fine. Your fascination with his good-looks and fantasies are okay as long as you keep them to yourself. Otherwise, he or his girlfriend will remind you to keep a respectable distance.
Nothing wrong with chatting and admiring him from afar. You can't control your dreams, but if you read or find something else to occupy your thoughts when the thoughts of him come; you can pretty much distract yourself. If you spend all your idle-time daydreaming about another woman's man; you'll start doing things that might get you into trouble. Maybe you should avoid him for awhile; until you get your thoughts under control. Usually when something overtakes your thoughts, you need to find something to keep you busy; and to help you refocus on other things. You don't have to allow your mind to dwell on a single person all day long. Get busy! Focus on your job, spend time with family, or call a friend and chat. You don't just give-in to your thoughts or impulses like you're under a spell or something.
The problem is letting your sense of entitlement make you feel you want something so bad you think you deserve it. Even if it belongs to somebody else. I think his girlfriend will set you straight on that! Let's say you walk by a jewelry store, and you see a diamond ring you can't afford; but you are dying to have it. What do you do? Steal it? No, you realize it's not yours to have; and get on with your life. Your life can't be so simple or uneventful that you have nothing better to do with all your time than fantasize or pine after another woman's boyfriend. Remind yourself that he is taken.
You're an adult, practice self-control; don't let your thoughts control you. Teach yourself not to idolize people for their appearance. They're just human, flesh and blood like you. Take him down off the pedestal, and realize he has the same biological-functions and breathes air just like you do. Come back down to earth. Obsessive-thoughts usually fade-away on their own; and when they don't, then you seek professional-counseling.
Don't worry, you're okay! You either need to start dating, or reconnect emotionally with the man already in your life. If you've been stuck inside due to Covid-19 restrictions; get outside for some fresh air, and avoid your neighbor for awhile. Hangout where you won't see him. No more chats for now.
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